IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is sad that life is becoming increasingly stressful for most people. What is the reason of this phenomenon and how could this problem be solved?

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It is worrying that everyday life is more stressful for
people
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 of the modern age compared to the past.
This
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 essay will explore the reason for
this
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 change and suggest some possible solutions. One of the main reasons for a high number of
people
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 suffering from
stress
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-induced depression and anxiety is that the world has become increasingly busy, with overpopulation, and most
people
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 are living a fast-paced life where expectations are high and they are constantly being forced to self-evaluate and compare themselves.
For example
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, a staff working for a supermarket will be presented with computer-generated sales information at regular meetings and will be expected to keep improving their customer service skills in order to improve the business so that their company can perform better than their competitors.
Moreover
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, overpopulation means that these staff are easily replaceable.
Therefore
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, it naturally leads to workers developing fear and insecurity leading to
stress
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. There are many actions that
people
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 can take to cope with
stress
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, these include keeping fit by doing physical activity and eating a balanced diet, spending time outdoors exploring nature and investing in quality time with family and friends.
For instance
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, employees can sign up at a leisure centre very close to their workplace and spend an hour every day
to relieve
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relieving
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 the tension by exercising or
practicing
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practising
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 yoga.
As a result
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, most
people
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 will feel a sense of improved mental health and well-being. In conclusion,
although
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 the reason for
stress
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 is unavoidable as it is often caused by work-related issues, it can be managed by simply maintaining a healthy lifestyle. It is the responsibility of all individuals to ensure that they are managing their own
stress
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 by keeping fit.

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logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. This helps readers follow your argument more easily and improves the logical structure of the essay.
relevant specific examples
While your examples are relevant, try to provide more variety. This will give your essay a well-rounded perspective.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the context and outlines the main points of the essay, which is crucial for a high band score.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and offers a thoughtful closing statement on the responsibility of individuals to manage their own stress.
clear comprehensive ideas
You provide clear and comprehensive ideas in response to the task, which helps achieve a high score in task achievement.
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