These days, older people who have retired often choose to spend money on themselves (for example on holidays) rather than save money for their children. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #money #holidays #children #development

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Retiree prefers using their

money

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for themselves to saving it which will be sent to their children. The writer of

this

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essay believes that

this

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is a positive innovation because

this

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money

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is only spent by retired people in order to improve their life quality and sharpen young generations to be more independent. The quality of living conditions will be refined when retiree utilize their

money

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for themselves. To put it simply, when people get older, disease will become the main issue which threatens

Change preposition

apply

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physical and mental health , so they have to invest more

money

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in healthcare, and accommodation to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

As a result

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, the rate of happiness in the old has increased recently since they are likely to take care of themselves. Not sharing

money

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for children's retirees should have been a good way for parents to build up an independent mindset for the young.

In other words

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, if individuals know they will lose motivation to get a promotion career or earn

money

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, leading to a lack of self-reliance.

For instance

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, teenagers in developed countries are allowed to live independently without financial support,

therefore

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these juveniles are more mature than the other peers. In conclusion, older people have a tendency to spend

money

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on themselves is a positive development

due to

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the life quality of them and the self-reliance of their children

will be

Wrong verb form

being

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established

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Sat Jun 01 2024

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task achievement

Your response is generally clear and covers the essential points of the task, but it could benefit from clearer explanations and stronger reasoning to support your arguments.

task achievement

Try to introduce more specific and illustrative examples to better support your arguments. For instance, mention particular healthcare services or lifestyle improvements that retirees invest in, or specific ways in which young people become more independent.

coherence cohesion

Work on providing more detailed and logically connected supporting points. Each paragraph should flow smoothly into the next, ensuring that the overall argument is coherent and easy to follow.

coherence cohesion

Avoid repetition and refine your language to be more precise and varied. Repeating the same ideas or phrases can make your writing seem less sophisticated.

strength task achievement

You have addressed the prompt effectively and maintained focus on the given topic throughout the essay.

strength coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps the reader follow your argumentation.

strength coherence cohesion

The main points are relevant to the task and are logically presented, making the essay easy to understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

231 words

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These days, older people who have retired often choose to spend money on themselves (for example on holidays) rather than save money for their children. Is this a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

In some cities of the world, cars are replacing bicycles. However, in some other cities, bicycles are replacing cars. What are the reasons for these two developments? In your opinion, which one better?

Many employees may work at home with modern technology. Some people claim that it benefits only the workers, but not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now one big traffic jam. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using cars?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects.Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to study for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

You are getting married. Write a letter to an English speaking friend to invite him/her to the wedding. In your letter: - Describe who you are going to marry - Tell what will happen on the wedding day (the schedule) - Explain why it's important for him/her to be at the wedding