IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that Olympic games are exciting events that bring other nations together. Others say Olympics is a waste of money and the money could be better spent on other things. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #olympic #games #events #nations #olympics #waste #money
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In today's world, some
people
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 believe that the
Olympic
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Games
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 help bring nations together.
However
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, others think that the
money
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 used for the
Olympics
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 could be better spent on other things.
This
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 essay will discuss both viewpoints and provide my opinion.
To begin
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 with, the
Olympic
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Games
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 draw many international visitors.
This
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 provides a chance for them to meet and talk with local
people
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 and to appreciate the host country's culture. When visitors have a positive view of a country, it can help build good relationships between nations.
For example
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, when Japan hosted the
Olympic
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Games
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 in 2020, many foreign visitors gained a high respect for Japan, which strengthened Japan's connection with other countries.
On the other hand
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, the
Olympics
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 do not directly benefit society, especially the poor. The lives of poor
people
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 do not improve because of the
Olympics
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; their situation remains unchanged.
Therefore
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, spending a lot of
money
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 on organizing the
Olympics
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 can be seen as wasteful.
This
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 is why some
people
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 argue that the
money
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 could be better spent
elsewhere
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. In my view, the
Olympics
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 do not significantly impact major global issues
such
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 as war or poverty.
Moreover
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, some countries use the
Olympics
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 to compete against or tarnish the reputation of their rivals.
Instead
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, the
money
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 used for the
Olympics
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 could be better used to help poor countries or address global problems. In conclusion, I believe that the
money
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 spent on organizing the
Olympic
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Games
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 should be used for other purposes, as the event does not bring significant benefits.
Thus
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, it is worth considering whether the
Olympics
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 should continue to be held.
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coherence
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which is excellent. However, in some parts, the flow of ideas could be smoother. Consider using more linking phrases to connect your ideas seamlessly.
task response
Your main points are well-supported with examples, but there is room to further develop these points. Adding more detail and expanding on your arguments could strengthen your essay.
task response
You provided a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and included relevant examples to support your arguments. This is a strong aspect of your essay.
coherence
Your essay has a clear and logical structure. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion summarizes your stance effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Promotes global unity
  • Cultural exchange
  • Economic benefits
  • Job creation
  • Tourism
  • Infrastructure
  • Active lifestyle
  • Financial undertaking
  • Economic burden
  • Underutilization
  • Wasted resources
  • White elephants
  • Opportunity cost
  • Critical areas
  • Social welfare
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