IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles, aunts and grandparents is better, rather than only by parents. To what extend are you agree or disagree

The upbringing of
children
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 is a crucial aspect of shaping their personality. Some believe that
parents
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 should not be the primary caregivers, but I firmly align with the view that
parents
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 should play the central
role
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. Parental experts widely agree that strong parental involvement in a
child
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's life leads to enhanced parental authority and improved decision-making capabilities. By taking a central
role
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,
parents
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 are able to establish clear boundaries, rules, and expectations for their
children
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.
This
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, in turn, encourages the
child
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 to be more responsible, as they understand they will be held accountable for their actions.
Additionally
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,
this
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 hands-on parental approach helps foster a high level of consistency for the
child
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, even in challenging situations. When
children
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 are raised in environments with actively engaged
parents
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, they develop greater adaptability and flexibility in navigating their lives.
For instance
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, when a
child
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 knows they must answer for their
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
, they are more inclined to thoughtfully consider the potential consequences before acting. Firm in my belief, I hold that when
parents
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 take an active
role
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 in raising their
children
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, they cultivate deep, meaningful connections.
This
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, in turn, fosters an environment where kids feel comfortable opening up about their problems without fear of criticism or dismissal.
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Furthermore
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Furthermore,
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Additionally
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, the presence of financially supportive
parents
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 is essential for
children
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. Parental financial backing enables
children
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 to invest their time and energy into improving their education and developing valuable skills.
Conversely
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,
children
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 without involved or financially capable
parents
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 often are deprived of the ability to fully focus on their studies and personal growth, as they must divert their attention to meeting basic needs.
While
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 some may advocate seeking guidance from external sources and their accumulated wisdom when planning a
child
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's upbringing, I firmly disagree with
this
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 approach. In my view,
this
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 can lead to
children
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 becoming increasingly confused, as the lessons they learn from their
parents
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 may clash with the advice imparted by others.
For instance
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, grandparents may at times prefer to act with leniency, even when their own
children
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 do not adhere to established norms.
However
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, when
this
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child
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then
Linking Words
 rejoins the family, they may neglect to properly heed the authority and
role
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 of their own
parents
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. In conclusion
In
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apply
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,
children
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 who grow up with direct parental involvement and support tend to be stronger than those raised primarily in extended family settings.

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task response
Your essay provides a clear perspective but could benefit from more balanced elaboration on both sides of the argument. This will display a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and improve your task response score.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using linking words or phrases to guide the reader through your points systematically.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion clearly frame the argument. For instance, a more defined conclusion can help reinforce your stance and summarize your main points effectively.
task response
Include specific, relevant examples to provide greater support to your main points. This can strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.
task response
You have a clear and consistent stance on the topic, which is well-argued throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your essay features meaningful statements that show an understanding of child upbringing and the role of parents.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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