IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some opine that
parents
Use synonyms
 are responsible for
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 good behaviour
while
Linking Words
 others suggest that schools play a major
role
Use synonyms
 in inculcating good habits to young ones. I,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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 think that both parties play equally
a
Change the article
an
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 important
role
Use synonyms
 in
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
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brought up
Verb problem
life
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. My reasonings shall be discussed in the following passages. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, It is believed that children must be disciplined by their
parents
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 as they have more responsibility towards them.
Parents
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 are answerable to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society for their prodigy's behaviour. If a child behaves in an unruly manner, it is natural for anyone to blame his or her
parents
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, because
offsprings
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offspring's
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 attitude is a reflection of their surroundings. In order to be a good citizen
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
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 and
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
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 should teach their young ones to be kind, polite, respectful and obey the
government
Change noun form
government's
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 law and order as
this
Linking Words
 will earn them a good reputation.
For example
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, my mother has always taught me to respect my elders and be kind to people who are unfortunate. As I started practicing the aforementioned habits, people started having good
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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 about me which made my
parents
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 happy and proud.
In addition
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, many gave me good recommendation
letter
Fix the agreement mistake
letters
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 for my job opportunities.
On the other hand
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, children spend most of their time at school and
hence
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 people are of the opinion that teachers and fellow school officials play a vital
role
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 in upbringing a good citizen. Since
,
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apply
show examples
 children spend 8 hours per day at educational
institute
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institutes
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, it is up to the tutors who
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
instill good habits
to
Change preposition
in
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 teenagers. Especially, with respect to communicating with their peers,
having
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and having
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 empathy towards their friends and classmates.
In addition
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, schools always have certain rules to be followed, to exemplify, punctuality, dress code,
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and maintaining
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maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decorum. All these can be learnt only in educational institutions. In conclusion, today's youngsters are tomorrow's leaders. In order for them to be a decent citizen, both
parents
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 and
educationalist
Fix the agreement mistake
educationalists
show examples
 have a crucial
role
Use synonyms
 in moulding a young one behaviour.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction could be more engaging and clearer in presenting the stance of the essay. Consider rephrasing for better readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and logically flows from one to another. This would improve the logical structure and cohesion.
task achievement
While the ideas are clear, they could be developed further. For stronger support, provide more in-depth examples and explanation in each paragraph.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammatical errors and enhance sentence variety to improve clarity and readability.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views of the topic and provides a balanced opinion, which is essential for a high score in task achievement.
task achievement
The use of personal examples makes the arguments relatable and strong. This is a good strategy to make the essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the opinion, providing a sense of closure to the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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