In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing population?
In
developed
Add an article
a developed
country
, the average Fix the agreement mistake
countries
of
Change preposition
apply
life
expectancy is usually quite high, which means average people
in that country have long
span lifetime. Correct article usage
a long
This
conditions have Change the determiner
These
negative
Add an article
a negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
for
both Change preposition
on
individual
and society. I will explain what problem can be caused by the increasing of Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
people
lifetime.
As we know, most Change noun form
people's
country
have a policy about the wages for pensioners. Change to a plural noun
countries
This
thing is important related to humanity and also
appreciation for the people
who dedicated their life
to work in some institutes. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
However
, this
condition
have
a drawback too, where it could Change the verb form
has
weigth
Correct your spelling
weight
weigh
the states
Change to a genitive case
the state's budget
the budget of the state
budget
which will have an effect for
the Change preposition
on
nation
affairs, Change noun form
nation's
for
instance
to Add the comma(s)
instance,
support
the lower class in the
society, to Correct article usage
apply
support
the
education specially for Correct article usage
apply
disadvantages
students, etc.
Replace the word
disadvantaged
The older
Correct article usage
Older
people
seems
to be more prone to suffer illnesses. Change the verb form
seem
This
condition
will also
effect
the Correct your spelling
affect
budget
of their family if the nation
's life
asurance
Correct your spelling
assurance
insurance
isn't
fully Verb problem
doesn't
covered
all Wrong verb form
cover
the
types of illnesses. Another Correct article usage
apply
condition
if health care is expensive and their
family Change the word
the
unable
to Add a missing verb
is unable
support
the bills, sometimes older people
surrend
Correct your spelling
surrender
about
their conditions, which makes them Change preposition
apply
to
live with the suffering.
In conclusion, most Change the verb form
apply
people
will happy
about Add a missing verb
be happy
long
Correct article usage
a long
live
, Replace the word
life
however
it has drawbacks too. With Add a comma
however,
Correct article usage
a long
long span
lifetime, the Add a hyphen
long-span
nation
should allocate the budget
to pay the pensioner wages where it would be decrease
the other sector Change the verb form
decrease
budget
. Also
, high life
expectancy means, more family
should Fix the agreement mistake
families
support
the health care bills in the condition
where the nation
isn't fully covered the health care and in the condition
where their family is uncapable
in terms of Correct your spelling
incapable
finance
, Fix the agreement mistake
finances
it
would Correct pronoun usage
which
let
the older Verb problem
cause
people
to live in suffering.Submitted by rlsatria on
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coherence cohesion
Try to use varied sentence structures and avoid repetitive phrases to make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
Provide clearer and more specific examples to better support your points. For instance, you could mention actual policies or programs in place that support pensioners.
task achievement
Improve your vocabulary to enhance understanding and avoid confusion caused by incorrect word choices.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph contains a single main idea and that supporting sentences align directly with this idea, thus improving logical structure.
task achievement
The essay addresses a relevant topic and offers a structured discussion on the issues related to increasing life expectancy.
coherence cohesion
The paragraphing is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion present in the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.