IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

All children should be given a free laptop when they start high school. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #laptop #school
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In the Contemporary era,
the
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apply
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technology has gained a marvel of progress and sophistication, so everyone should be updated
accordingly
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. It is often argued that the students are to be offered
with
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apply
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a laptop in their
further
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 education activities. I totally concur with that notion
due to
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 the reasons rationalized below. The advancement of
the
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apply
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network methodologies
have
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has
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 plenty of advantages accessible
for
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to
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the
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apply
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individuals. Particularly, when the schoolers are equipped with portable computers,they are allowed to use the internet and so they receive the authority to seek
for
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apply
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new information
,
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and, latest
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latest
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the latest
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 research findings that are related to their studies.
For example
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, the utility of
e -learning
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e-learning
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 criteria has given them a vast opportunity to search for endless facts,
nevertheless
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, which they have to refer
from
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to from
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 a library.
On the other hand
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, the frequent usage of electronic devices may aid the pupils to enhance their curiosity and attention over the software and Hardware fields,
along with
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 the subjects they are following. Particularly
this
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 may be a reason for forwarding the teenagers towards new creations and innovations.
For example
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, the effort laid
on
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into
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 troubleshooting may evolve critical thinking
hence
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, exciting creations may be founded.
Although
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 there are
plethora
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a plethora
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 of advantages,some drawbacks are
also
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 aligned with the utility of those appliances,
such
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 as
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the
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addiction of the
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
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 towards profane websites and video games.
Thus
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a
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continous proper guidance is essential for the children from teachers
as well as
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 parents.
To conclude
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, even though there are some negative outcomes,providing high-tech utensils at schools poses
a
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apply
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plenty of
postive
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positive
 goals. So I totally agree with the view of giving the
highschool
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high school
show examples
 attendees a free laptop.
Submitted by oriexam6 on

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task achievement
You have effectively addressed the task by stating your opinion and supporting it with reasons. Continue to develop your main points with clear and comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is consistently supported with relevant and specific examples. For instance, you mentioned the advantages of e-learning but could elaborate more on specific scenarios or statistics to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Maintain this structure and consider using more varied cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence of your arguments by ensuring each paragraph smoothly follows from the previous one. Use linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. This sets a good foundation for the rest of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have included a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion, which helps in reinforcing your argument.
task achievement
The essay covers a range of relevant points related to the topic, demonstrating a good understanding of the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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