19 .As the world has become technological advance, computer are replacing more and more jobs that maybe lose because of computer. Discuss at least one problem that may result.

Nowadays,
information
technology
development becoming more sophisticated and
play
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plays
show examples
important
Add an article
an important
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role
for
Change preposition
in
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our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, especially
for
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in
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business
activities
while
certain roles have more
dependecies
Correct your spelling
dependencies
with
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on
show examples
technology
.
Then
,
this
condition could bring
a
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apply
show examples
problems for humans since there are several job
rolesthat
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roles that
could be replaced by
technology
. In my opinion,
information
technology
could offer several advantages
through
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apply
show examples
to make
the
Correct article usage
apply
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business
activities
more effective and efficient. First of all, advanced
technology
could operate
countinously
Correct your spelling
continuously
. Unlike humans who
needs
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need
show examples
to take some
rests
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rest
show examples
, machines and devices could operate 24 hours to run the
business
activities
.
This
advantage could
has
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have
show examples
a vital role, especially for
company
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companies
show examples
that produce goods to keep their production process running well over
the
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apply
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time.
Then
,
utilization
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the utilization
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of advanced
technology
could minimize errors to the lowest level
while
human
have
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has
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potential
error
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errors
show examples
while
do
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doing
show examples
their work.
This
aspect
play
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plays
show examples
important
Add an article
an important
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role since it could save the company budget for any
misake
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mistake
mistakes
that
occured
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occurs
,
such
as
error
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an error
show examples
on
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in
show examples
production
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the production
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process could
minimizing
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minimise
show examples
scrap or miscalculation of
projection
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projections
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could have
impact
Add an article
an impact
the impact
show examples
to
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on
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business
decision
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decisions
show examples
.
To conclude
,
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
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apply
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information
technology
development
offer
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offers
show examples
several competitive advantages to assist
business
activities
. On
other
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the other
show examples
hand, it could be a threat
for
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to
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the
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apply
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labour
due to
the machines and devices that provide better endurance and consistency.
Information
technology
development could be avoided and there will be eliminated jobs in the future.
However
,
human
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humans
show examples
would
Verb problem
can
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adapt
with
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to
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any changes and there will be
a new jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
new jobs
a new job
show examples
in the future as well.
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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly indicates the problems that will result from technology replacing jobs. In this essay, the main issue was not explicitly stated at the beginning, which can make it harder for readers to follow your argument.
task achievement
Work on varying your sentence structure and vocabulary to maintain the reader's interest and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point. This helps to strengthen your argument and gives the essay more depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the thesis. This will help to improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases and linking words more effectively to connect your ideas and create a smoother flow between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Revise for minor grammatical issues and word choice errors to improve clarity and readability.
content
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and provides a coherent argument.
content
You have made a commendable effort to explain the benefits of technology and its potential threats to employment.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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