The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise. Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?
Nowadays, many scientists are concerned about the sudden increase in the
number
of population
and the major effects it has on people
's lives. This
worrying trend needs to be analyzed and discussed thoroughly. It is argued whether this
is one of the major problems nations face in the mean time
. Correct your spelling
meantime
This
forthcoming essay will tackle this
issue by emphasizing on
the reasons behind Change preposition
apply
this
increase.
Maybe this
is not a simple question. The roots of this
question revolve around cultural, societal, economical
and even geographical reasons. Replace the word
economic
Although
having increased
Correct article usage
an increased
number
of people
could be seen as a negative thing, it is difficult to implement one rule to
all populations representing different ideologies. Change preposition
for
For instance
, China is known to have a large number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
population
as a result
the government have decided to enforce a new law that necessitates every family is
allowed to have Correct subject-verb agreement
be
limited
Change the article
a limited
the limited
number
of children, this
new policy would be difficult to use in Korea for example
, as the values if
the importance of family are embedded in their cultural believes. Correct your spelling
of
Whereas
in China the evonomy
is now becoming the leading factor Correct your spelling
economy
that is
empowering their country, thus
having less number
of oeople
will lower the costs.
Correct your spelling
people
On the other hand
, increasing number
of Correct article usage
the number
people
will enable more factories, and companies to operate more effiecently
as they will have more Correct your spelling
efficiently
handy-men
. Correct your spelling
handymen
Moreover
, getting recruited is a major concerns
many young adults have these days. Fortunately, having Change the noun form
concern
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
population
lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
variety
in all Add an article
a variety
feilds
. Correct your spelling
fields
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
this
can lead to advanced contribution to society. Furthermore
، it will foster cognitive
mind of individuals enhancing the comradery sense of responsibility. Correct article usage
the cognitive
Moreover
, there is a growing consensus on the importance of belonging in the community which can be a result of increasing awareness among large
Change the article
a large
the large
number
of populations.
In conclusion, I personally believe that everything has its advantages and disadvantages. However
, it all depends on the way we percieve
everything we see, hear and feel. Correct your spelling
perceive
Nevertheless
, the continous
rise in Correct your spelling
continuous
population
has major effects in people
's lives that have to be studied and put into consideration. However
, I am inclined to believe that greater
Correct article usage
a greater
population
is not a problem as many people
may percieve
. Correct your spelling
perceive
On the contrary
, increasing the number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
population
could lead to thriving in society by recruting
more in versatile aspects of life. It is recommended Correct your spelling
recruiting
examine
Fix the infinitive
to examine
this
notion closely in order to get most
out of the situation Correct article usage
the most
the
humanity facing in Correct article usage
apply
this
decade as the number
of populations are
increasing.Change the verb form
is
Submitted by alamer_ma on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear approach to the topic, but try to maintain clarity and avoid generalization. For example, expand on how the cultural beliefs in Korea hinder the implementation of policies similar to China’s.
coherence cohesion
Your arguments are mostly cohesive, but there are occasions where linking words could be more effectively utilized. Ensure each idea flows naturally into the next to reinforce the logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Some minor spelling and grammatical errors slightly affect the readability. Proofread your essay to catch errors such as 'percieve' which should be 'perceive,' and 'feilds' which should be 'fields.'
task achievement
The introduction sets a clear context and outlines what the essay will discuss, which sets a good tone for the reader.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and ties the essay together, reinforcing your main argument.
task achievement
You provide various perspectives and examples which demonstrate your knowledge and understanding of the topic, especially the specific examples of China and Korea.
coherence cohesion
There is consistency in addressing the reasons behind population growth and its implications which enhances the coherence of your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example