IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shos the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparizons where relevant.

The graph below shos the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparizons where relevant.
#shos #shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparizons
The line chart illustrated the closures and opening of
shops
 through 7 years from 2011 tell 2018 in a country.
Overall
, in 2011
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the highest point of opening
shops
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was about 8000 and as for the closures
Verb problem
,
show examples
shop
 was in 2013 the highest amount of
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 closed.
To begin
 with the opening
shop
 we can notice that it
was fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
has fluctuated
show examples
 through the years, it started
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2013 at the highest point which was about 8000 and sharply decreased
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2012 to reach less than 4000 which it decreased around 50% and
then
 continued rising to reached above 6000 in 2014 to facing a drop again in 2015 to bee 4000,
then
 continued slowly increasing tell it
face
Add the particle
to face
show examples
 another
highly
Change the adverb
high
show examples
 drop in 2018 to be 3000 of opening
shops
. As for the closure
Change preposition
of shop
show examples
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 in
2013
Add a comma
2013,
show examples
 it was the highest number of closing
shops
 above 7000. Followed by dropping sharply in 2015 to reach less than 1000. To rise again steadily to reach just above 5000 in 2018. In conclusion, we can notice that the both closure and opening
shop
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a lot of
up
Replace the word
ups
show examples
 and
down
Replace the word
downs
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. But for the opening
shops
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 at
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 amount just above 8000 in 2011 and ended in 2018 by reaching 3000
shops
.
However
, the closing
shops
Change preposition
of shops
show examples
 reached the highest amount of
shops
 in 2013 above 7000 and ended in 2018 with a
slowly increasing
Replace the word
slow increase
show examples
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 above 5000.
Submitted by fofo-_-qtr on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words shops, shop with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Retail trends
  • Fluctuation
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Closure
  • Inauguration/opening
  • Steady increase/decrease
  • Notable dip
  • Substantial growth
  • Consumer habits
  • Market dynamics
  • Economic indicators
  • Commercial landscape
  • Technological disruption
  • E-commerce impact
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