IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Rich countries should not employ skilled labour from poor countries, as the poor countries need the workers more. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #labour #workers
A debatable discussion point is whether wealthy countries should employ skilled staff from developing
regions
.
This
 writer believes that employing corps from developing states will help corps have better jobs and the two societies will have a good relationship. It is vital to understand that rich countries have more jobs with high salaries for workers who are suitable.
In other words
, good companies in poor
regions
 will want more job opportunities and their society does not have the ability to provide them a good jobs.
As a result
, rich land hire teams from poor countries will help them have a better career and salary to send home for their family and support their country.
Therefore
, teams coming from the developing public will not waste their talents. Another key component of the case for living employees from poverty people is making the relationship between the two
regions
 closer. Letting wealthy
regions
 do
this
, the troops who come from poor nations will make money for the rich people and they will be grateful because of the money that employees create.
Consequently
, rich people will use some of the money and support the poverty to develop stronger.
Thus
 helping another country can benefit their own country. In conclusion, rich
regions
 should hire skilled employees from the poverty ones
due to
 the benefits it brings back for both nations.
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task achievement
Your essay has some valid points, but the ideas need to be expanded upon and supported with more relevant and specific examples. Try to provide concrete details to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay can be improved. Work on creating smooth transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea that supports your thesis.
structure
You have clearly included an introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensible, making it easy to follow your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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