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Writing Samples /
Band 3

Many young people change their jobs or careers every few years. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #change #jobs #careers #years #outweigh
Creating great career
path
Fix the agreement mistake
paths
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 become more important through the years. Which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 people change their jobs
among
Change preposition
over
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 the years.
By changing
Change preposition
Changing
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 jobs leads to pros and cons that could affect negatively or positively
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 developing the experience and increasing
cv
Correct your spelling
CV
show examples
 value.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 the advantages of changing
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experience and
adding
Wrong verb form
add
show examples
 value to your skills.
By moving
Change preposition
Moving
show examples
 from
job
Correct pronoun usage
one job
show examples
 to another will benefit you to gain knowledge and experience from other experts in the organization.
Also
, will
qualified
Change the verb form
qualify
show examples
 you for a position
as a result
 of your skills and experiences through the years. Indeed, moving from
position
Correct pronoun usage
one position
show examples
 to another will
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 your value for
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
 company which will lead to
give receive
Wrong verb form
receiving
show examples
 more offers to join them.
On the other hand
,
queit
Correct your spelling
quiet
 from
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 and
move
Wrong verb form
moving
show examples
 to another it might affect you negatively by giving them an idea of being uncommitted and not loyal.
Furthermore
, being instability will affect you by moving from
region
Correct pronoun usage
one region
show examples
 to another. In conclusion, moving from
job
Correct pronoun usage
one job
show examples
 to another
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 pros and cons but catching opportunities is the most important.
Submitted by fofo-_-qtr on

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relevant specific examples
Expand on the reasons why young people change jobs frequently. Providing more specific examples or situations can help in demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.
logical structure
Work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph starts with a clear main idea that ties back to the thesis statement in the introduction.
clear comprehensive ideas
Improve grammatical accuracy and sentence structures. Ensure that each sentence is grammatical and clear.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, setting up the discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
The writer attempts to balance both the advantages and disadvantages, which shows a good effort in addressing the complexity of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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