Some people say that money is the major source of happiness do you agree or disagree
The saying some
people
believe that money
is the major source of happiness
into my opinion I totally disagree with this
statement because you can see many real world
examples as the first example lets think about politicians, Add a hyphen
real-world
bussisnessman
they all out got for their work with the bodyguards they don’t have their freedom even. Think about the Correct your spelling
businessman
businessmen
poverty
people
they
have problems but their lives are very happy because of the relationships they have.
Yeah. We know Correct pronoun usage
who
money
can certainly provide comfort and convenience but it cant
buy Correct your spelling
can't
happiness
such
as love, friendships or inner peace. A person can be financially good but still feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
loneliness
, Replace the word
lonely
unfulfilled
with their relationships. True Correct word choice
and unfulfilled
happiness
connects with meaningful connections, a
sense of purpose but none can be purchased with Correct word choice
and a
money
As the second example, even poverty
people
have financial issues but they are staying
mentally Wrong verb form
stay
happily
Change the word
happy
they
have their freedom. They don’t keep anything hidden in their mind, they all are Correct word choice
because they
open minded
. If we go to a place where Add a hyphen
open-minded
poverty
people
live with all of their families we will be able to see their commitments, relationships and all. Their friendships their bonds they
are extremely powerful.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
As
Change preposition
In
the
conclusion Correct article usage
apply
poverty
people
plays
a major role in staying Correct subject-verb agreement
play
happily
compared to rich Replace the word
happy
people
so I conclude money
cant buy happiness
.Submitted by komoshwickramasinghe2005 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on developing the logical structure of your essay. Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly from one idea to the next and that your main points are clearly connected.
introduction conclusion present
Introduction should be more engaging and clearly state your stance on the topic. Conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points.
supported main points
Each point in your essay should be more comprehensively supported with relevant examples or explanations.
complete response
Although you cover the task, your response could be more complete with more developed ideas. Avoid generalizations and include more specific examples or details.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are somewhat clear, but ensure they are expressed comprehensively. Take care to fully explain how your examples support your points.
relevant specific examples
Relevant, specific examples can strengthen your arguments. Make sure each example directly supports your point.
clear comprehensive ideas
Check grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure for greater clarity and coherence. Try to avoid run-on sentences.
task response
You have expressed your opinion clearly, which is crucial for this task.
supported main points
You have attempted to provide real-world examples to support your points, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
task response
Your essay shows that you understand the importance of non-material aspects of happiness, such as relationships and freedom.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.