IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet and technology, like mobile phones and laptops, are connecting us to each other every hour of the day via networking sites and applications. Do you think it’s an advantage or disadvantage? Explain your answer. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

#internet #technology #phones #laptops #hour #sites #applications #it’s #advantage #support
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Modern technologies ,
such
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 as mobile
phones
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 and laptops , can connect us to each other every hour of
day
Add an article
the day
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 with networking sites and a big board of
aplications
Correct your spelling
applications
. I think
this
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 issue has some advantages and some disadvantages that I want to explain them.
To begin
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 with ,
it is clear that
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 mobile
phones
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 are available
every
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at every
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 moment .
moreover
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 , these are very useful when we have to multi-task.
for example
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 , we can
connet
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connect
 to the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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do our duties and talk to our friends
also
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 at the same time.
therefore
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 , we can communicate with all
people
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in
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apply
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every where
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everywhere
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 in the world
for understanding
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to understand
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 everything.
Hence
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 , because
thechnology
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technology
 has improved , almost most
people
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 prefer to learn many skills via
Use synonyms
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
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due
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apply
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to
save
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saving
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 their
times
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time
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as well as
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 their
energies
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energy
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.
in addition
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 , they can extend their trades
by
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via
show examples
 the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. to explain
furthere
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further
, they can sell their products online without any taxes.
this
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 is more hassle-free
compare
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compared
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 to
sell
Wrong verb form
selling
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 in malls.
On the other hand
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 , there are some disadvantages in
this
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 issue. since
,
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apply
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this
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 is undeniable that the
internet
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 and
mobie
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mobile
phones
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 have
bas
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a bad
affect
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effect
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 on us and our children
also
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 owing to addiction to the
internet
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 . unfortunately , a lot of
people
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flount
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flaunt
 their wealth on social media and others compare their lives with
themeselves
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themselves
.
also
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 , the
internet
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 causes
physically
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physical
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poblems
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problems
, if
people
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 use that very much. it can
bad
Add a missing verb
have bad
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affects
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effects
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 on the eyes especially for children.
additionally
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 , the wifi can cause cancer . so
this
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 is very dangerous.
to sum up
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 , technology and
mobiles
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mobile
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phones
Use synonyms
 are
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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excptionally
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exceptionally
 good items if we use
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according
Correct pronoun usage
them according
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 to essential needs to improve. since it
linked
Wrong verb form
links
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 us with our
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
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 as much as possible.
Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on

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task achievement
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of modern technology, which is good. However, the response could be more fully developed with additional details and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your essay. Use more linking words and transitions to connect ideas and paragraphs more smoothly.
task achievement
Further elaborate on your main points with clear examples. For instance, provide specific situations in which mobile phones enhance productivity or illustrate how internet addiction impacts individuals' lives.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has one main idea and that this idea is fully explained and illustrated.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument effectively and presents a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your response well.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at discussing the topic with relevant points.
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