The internet and technology, like mobile phones and laptops, are connecting us to each other every hour of the day via networking sites and applications. Do you think it’s an advantage or disadvantage? Explain your answer. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Modern technologies ,
such
as mobile
phones
and laptops , can connect us to each other every hour of
day
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the day
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with networking sites and a big board of
aplications
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applications
. I think
this
issue has some advantages and some disadvantages that I want to explain them.
To begin
with ,
it is clear that
mobile
phones
are available
every
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at every
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moment .
moreover
, these are very useful when we have to multi-task.
for example
, we can
connet
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connect
to the
internet
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Internet
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and
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apply
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do our duties and talk to our friends
also
at the same time.
therefore
, we can communicate with all
people
in
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apply
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every where
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everywhere
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in the world
for understanding
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to understand
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everything.
Hence
, because
thechnology
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technology
has improved , almost most
people
prefer to learn many skills via
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the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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due
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apply
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to
save
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saving
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their
times
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time
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as well as
their
energies
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energy
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.
in addition
, they can extend their trades
by
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via
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the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. to explain
furthere
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further
, they can sell their products online without any taxes.
this
is more hassle-free
compare
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compared
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to
sell
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selling
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in malls.
On the other hand
, there are some disadvantages in
this
issue. since
,
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apply
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this
is undeniable that the
internet
and
mobie
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mobile
phones
have
bas
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a bad
affect
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effect
show examples
on us and our children
also
owing to addiction to the
internet
. unfortunately , a lot of
people
flount
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flaunt
their wealth on social media and others compare their lives with
themeselves
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themselves
.
also
, the
internet
causes
physically
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physical
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poblems
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problems
, if
people
use that very much. it can
bad
Add a missing verb
have bad
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affects
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effects
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on the eyes especially for children.
additionally
, the wifi can cause cancer . so
this
is very dangerous.
to sum up
, technology and
mobiles
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mobile
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phones
are
an
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apply
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excptionally
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exceptionally
good items if we use
according
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them according
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to essential needs to improve. since it
linked
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links
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us with our
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
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as much as possible.
Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on

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task achievement
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of modern technology, which is good. However, the response could be more fully developed with additional details and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your essay. Use more linking words and transitions to connect ideas and paragraphs more smoothly.
task achievement
Further elaborate on your main points with clear examples. For instance, provide specific situations in which mobile phones enhance productivity or illustrate how internet addiction impacts individuals' lives.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has one main idea and that this idea is fully explained and illustrated.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument effectively and presents a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your response well.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at discussing the topic with relevant points.
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