IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet and technology, like mobile phones and laptops, are connecting us to each other every hour of the day via networking sites and applications. Do you think it’s an advantage or disadvantage? Explain your answer. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

#internet #technology #phones #laptops #hour #sites #applications #it’s #advantage #support
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Modern technologies ,
such
 as mobile
phones
 and laptops , can connect us to each other every hour of
day
Add an article
the day
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 with networking sites and a big board of
aplications
Correct your spelling
applications
. I think
this
 issue has some advantages and some disadvantages that I want to explain them.
To begin
 with ,
it is clear that
 mobile
phones
 are available
every
Change preposition
at every
show examples
 moment .
moreover
 , these are very useful when we have to multi-task.
for example
 , we can
connet
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connect
 to the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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do our duties and talk to our friends
also
 at the same time.
therefore
 , we can communicate with all
people
in
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apply
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every where
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everywhere
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 in the world
for understanding
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to understand
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 everything.
Hence
 , because
thechnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 has improved , almost most
people
 prefer to learn many skills via
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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due
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apply
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to
save
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saving
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 their
times
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time
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as well as
 their
energies
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energy
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.
in addition
 , they can extend their trades
by
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via
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 the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. to explain
furthere
Correct your spelling
further
, they can sell their products online without any taxes.
this
 is more hassle-free
compare
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compared
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 to
sell
Wrong verb form
selling
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 in malls.
On the other hand
 , there are some disadvantages in
this
 issue. since
,
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apply
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this
 is undeniable that the
internet
 and
mobie
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mobile
phones
 have
bas
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a bad
affect
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effect
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 on us and our children
also
 owing to addiction to the
internet
 . unfortunately , a lot of
people
flount
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flaunt
 their wealth on social media and others compare their lives with
themeselves
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themselves
.
also
 , the
internet
 causes
physically
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physical
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poblems
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problems
, if
people
 use that very much. it can
bad
Add a missing verb
have bad
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affects
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effects
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 on the eyes especially for children.
additionally
 , the wifi can cause cancer . so
this
 is very dangerous.
to sum up
 , technology and
mobiles
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mobile
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phones
 are
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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excptionally
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exceptionally
 good items if we use
according
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them according
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 to essential needs to improve. since it
linked
Wrong verb form
links
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 us with our
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
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 as much as possible.
Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on

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task achievement
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of modern technology, which is good. However, the response could be more fully developed with additional details and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your essay. Use more linking words and transitions to connect ideas and paragraphs more smoothly.
task achievement
Further elaborate on your main points with clear examples. For instance, provide specific situations in which mobile phones enhance productivity or illustrate how internet addiction impacts individuals' lives.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has one main idea and that this idea is fully explained and illustrated.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument effectively and presents a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your response well.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at discussing the topic with relevant points.
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