The internet and technology, like mobile phones and laptops, are connecting us to each other every hour of the day via networking sites and applications. Do you think it’s an advantage or disadvantage? Explain your answer. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Modern technologies ,
such
as mobile
phones
and laptops , can connect us to each other every hour of
day
Add an article
the day
show examples
with networking sites and a big board of
aplications
Correct your spelling
applications
. I think
this
issue has some advantages and some disadvantages that I want to explain them.
To begin
with ,
it is clear that
mobile
phones
are available
every
Change preposition
at every
show examples
moment .
moreover
, these are very useful when we have to multi-task.
for example
, we can
connet
Correct your spelling
connect
to the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
do our duties and talk to our friends
also
at the same time.
therefore
, we can communicate with all
people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every where
Correct your spelling
everywhere
show examples
in the world
for understanding
Change preposition
to understand
show examples
everything.
Hence
, because
thechnology
Correct your spelling
technology
has improved , almost most
people
prefer to learn many skills via
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
save
Change the verb form
saving
show examples
their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
as well as
their
energies
Fix the agreement mistake
energy
show examples
.
in addition
, they can extend their trades
by
Change preposition
via
show examples
the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. to explain
furthere
Correct your spelling
further
, they can sell their products online without any taxes.
this
is more hassle-free
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to
sell
Wrong verb form
selling
show examples
in malls.
On the other hand
, there are some disadvantages in
this
issue. since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
is undeniable that the
internet
and
mobie
Correct your spelling
mobile
phones
have
bas
Correct your spelling
a bad
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
on us and our children
also
owing to addiction to the
internet
. unfortunately , a lot of
people
flount
Correct your spelling
flaunt
their wealth on social media and others compare their lives with
themeselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
.
also
, the
internet
causes
physically
Change the word
physical
show examples
poblems
Correct your spelling
problems
, if
people
use that very much. it can
bad
Add a missing verb
have bad
show examples
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
on the eyes especially for children.
additionally
, the wifi can cause cancer . so
this
is very dangerous.
to sum up
, technology and
mobiles
Change the noun form
mobile
show examples
phones
are
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
excptionally
Correct your spelling
exceptionally
good items if we use
according
Correct pronoun usage
them according
show examples
to essential needs to improve. since it
linked
Wrong verb form
links
show examples
us with our
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
show examples
as much as possible.
Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of modern technology, which is good. However, the response could be more fully developed with additional details and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your essay. Use more linking words and transitions to connect ideas and paragraphs more smoothly.
task achievement
Further elaborate on your main points with clear examples. For instance, provide specific situations in which mobile phones enhance productivity or illustrate how internet addiction impacts individuals' lives.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has one main idea and that this idea is fully explained and illustrated.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument effectively and presents a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your response well.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at discussing the topic with relevant points.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: