People believe that a number of children invest their time in using smartphones for hours in their daily basis. From my perspective, I strongly agree this will bring lots of negative development to children.
People believe that a number of
children
invest their time in using smartphones
for hours Change preposition
on
in
Change preposition
on
their
daily basis. From my perspective, I strongly agree Change the word
a
this
will bring lots of negative development to children
.
A school of thought hold that technologies such
as modern computers and mobile phones can have many advantages to children
if they use it
in the right way. One of the main upsides of spending hours using Correct pronoun usage
them
smartphones
is that it can not only help children
to develop the ability to access to
Change preposition
apply
mordern
technologies but it Correct your spelling
modern
also
help
them to improve Change the verb form
helps
the
ability to search for Change the word
their
information
. For instance
, if children
are not satistfied
with Correct your spelling
satisfied
lessons
provided in school, they can Correct article usage
the lessons
looking
for more Change the verb form
look
be looking
information
to enlarge their knowledge from
reading e-books, Change preposition
by
newspapers
.
Correct word choice
and newspapers
On the other hand
, children
spend
so much time on Wrong verb form
spending
smartphones
in a day also
has many negative aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
Rephrase
apply
also
. One of a
major drawbacks is there are several Correct article usage
the
information
on the Internet nowadays, unless Change preposition
of information
children
have enough awareness to select suitable information
, they may be affected by bad things on the Internet. For example
, there are several type
of games on Change to a plural noun
types
electronic
market, some of Add an article
the electronic
that
may contain a great deal of violence, Correct pronoun usage
which
this
can increase Correct pronoun usage
which
aggressive
feelings and behaviors of Correct article usage
the aggressive
children
. A further
downside that
Add a missing verb
is that
children
just focus on using smartphones
for surfing social networks or playing video games, they may forget their duties and studies. Additionally
, they will find that happiness from games is more important than knowledge in school and this
can lead to the growth of dropout rate.
In conclusion, spending hours using smartphones
can help children
improve some
certain skills, Correct quantifier usage
apply
however
, parents should control information
which their Correct article usage
the information
children
access to
on the Internet and set Change preposition
apply
the
limit Correct article usage
a
of
Change preposition
on
time
using Correct article usage
the time
smartphones
. Moreover
, parents should encourage their child
to Fix the agreement mistake
children
enagage
in more activities outdoors.Correct your spelling
engage
Submitted by weezel on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Clarity
Ensure clarity in your ideas by avoiding repetitive phrases and redundant statements. For instance, you can shorten 'children spend so much time on smartphones in a day also has many negative aspect also' to 'children spending excessive time on smartphones has many negative aspects.'
Grammar
Make sure to carefully proofread your work for spelling and grammatical errors. For example, the word 'mordern' should be 'modern' and 'satistfied' should be 'satisfied.'
Vocabulary
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the sophistication of your essay. Instead of just saying 'bad things on the Internet,' you could say 'inappropriate or harmful content on the Internet.'
Structure
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which provide a clear structure to your argument.
Examples
You provided relevant and specific examples, such as the impact of violent video games on children's behavior.
Balance
You presented a balanced view by acknowledging possible benefits of smartphone usage while focusing on the negative aspects.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?