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Writing Samples
Band 4

In the past knowledge was contained in books. Nowadays, knowledge is uploaded the internet. Do the advantages and outweigh the disadvantages?

#books #internet
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Back in the
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
, acquaintance
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
included the
internet
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, they are electronic
books
Use synonyms
. As we know.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of individuals exploit the
phone
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 to learn
knowledge
Use synonyms
. There are weak side and
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 side. At
present
Add an article
the present
show examples
 time,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of adults
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are learning foreign languages. As we know, there are many requirements to learn
knowledge
Use synonyms
. Many
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life related to the
phone
Use synonyms
. Back in the day, there were not a lot of sensor mobile phones. On top of that,
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 were not promoting more and more.
Similarly
Linking Words
, there were
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 qualified teachers
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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 education. They had not given many details. Since
knowledge
Use synonyms
 was not significant. Now, electronic
books
Use synonyms
 are superior to
books
Use synonyms
 education plays
Add an article
a
show examples
significant role. for one thing , we may get the hang of
guidances
Fix the agreement mistake
guidance
show examples
 from
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
. As a case in point; online courses, different chats and
ibrat
Correct your spelling
vibrant
brat
 academy in Uzbekistan. For another thing, if we do not know any information. We can find data.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, as we know, If
Majority
Correct article usage
the Majority
show examples
 of teenagers and older humans
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
study English or other languages. They can make use of
dictionary
Add an article
a dictionary
the dictionary
show examples
.
Last
Linking Words
 of all,
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 help us to learn English and others.
Set in
Verb problem
For
show examples
 example watching movies in English or
other language
Change the wording
another language
other languages
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 way gives us acquaintance.
This
Linking Words
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 us to brush up on our listening,
writing
Correct word choice
and writing
show examples
 skills. As for drawbacks
concerned
Add a missing verb
are concerned
show examples
. We need to be cautious during the studying. If we use the
phone
Use synonyms
 very much time. Which brings blurred vision, frustration and
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
disorders
Change preposition
of disorders
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 like cancer.
As well as
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there may be the connection is poor. We may
addictive
Correct word choice
be addicted
show examples
 to the
internet
Use synonyms
 consciously or unconsciously. In a nutshell.
Knowledge
Use synonyms
 creates golden opportunities in my country. I prioritize
uploaded
Wrong verb form
uploading
show examples
 the
internet
Use synonyms
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
phone
Use synonyms
 is
comfortable
Correct quantifier usage
more comfortable
show examples
 than
books
Use synonyms
 for me. In my book,
this
Linking Words
 strong side is
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
an internet
show examples
 and there are many benefits than drawbacks.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

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coherence structure
Focus on a clear structure: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This will improve the logical flow of your essay and make it easier to follow.
task achievement details
Avoid repetitive phrases and ideas. Aim to elaborate distinct points with specific examples and clear supporting details to strengthen your arguments.
coherence clarity
Improve your grammar and vocabulary usage. This will make your essay more coherent and easier to understand.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and touches upon both advantages and disadvantages of knowledge being uploaded to the internet.
coherence support
The writer has attempted to provide examples to support their points, showing an effort to make arguments relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • democratization, accessibility, socioeconomic barriers, dissemination, real-time, misinformation, misleading, necessitating, over-reliance, traditional knowledge sources, collaborative learning, interactive, engaging educational experience
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