IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that individuals can do little to improve the environment, while others think that individuals have a significant role in protecting the environment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #individuals #environment #role
Ecosystem
Add an article
The ecosystem
An ecosystem
show examples
 has always been vital in the world. It is believed by some that
people
 cannot do abundant actions to promote the
environment
,
while
 it denied by others. In
this
 essay why I totally agree that
people
 have
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 role
to
Change preposition
in
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 protecting the
environment
 will be discussed.
Although
 developing our
environment
 is provided by
people
 in society, authorities play an indispensable role in protecting our ecosystem.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 constructing green areas in cities including natural parks or extending special places for
people
 to bike are acquired by government support because some
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
such
 as
Municipality
Correct article usage
the Municipality
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 can provide
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
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 and
people
 cannot. In
case
Correct determiner usage
this case
show examples
 authorities can do more to improve the
environment
 in comparison to individuals.
On the other hand
,
people
 are responsible and the role of them to protect our
environment
 is inevitable.
For example
, utilizing public transportation rather than their own cars is aimed
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 reducing the usage of fossil fuels and
this
 action
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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less gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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 and degrading will be delayed. So
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
’s
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 can prevent air contamination.
People
 have always had a vital effect on society and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and underestimating their roles will have detrimental effects. To illustrate, individuals
overusing
Wrong verb form
overuse
show examples
 their own cars unconsciously without paying attention
how
Change preposition
to how
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 much gasses emit
to
Change preposition
into
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environment
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the environment
show examples
 and thanks to
this
destroying
Replace the word
destructive
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 action, climate change will happen.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 the ozone layer will deplete and
aimed
Wrong verb form
aim
show examples
 to have instant weather. So
people
 can protect
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 more than everybody and any authorities. In conclusion, despite the fact that governments may seem to have
upper
Correct article usage
the upper
show examples
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
to protect
Change preposition
in protecting
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 our
environment
, contributing
people
 to keep our
environment
 instant is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
superior.
Submitted by Golden Goals on

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your thoughts more clearly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that supports your overall argument. For instance, your second paragraph switches topics abruptly. Stick to one main idea per paragraph.
task achievement
Expand on your examples and link them more explicitly to the points you make. For instance, you mention governments creating green areas but do not explain how this relates back to the central argument adequately.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is brief and should summarize the main points more effectively. Ensure it mirrors what has been discussed in the body of the essay.
task achievement
You raise some strong points about the roles that both individuals and authorities play in protecting the environment.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which are good structural elements.
task achievement
The language used demonstrates a good grasp of vocabulary relevant to environmental topics.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Environmental degradation
  • - Sustainability
  • - Renewable energy
  • - Carbon footprint
  • - Greenhouse gases
  • - Climate change
  • - Deforestation
  • - Pollution
  • - Legislation
  • - Corporate responsibility
  • - Collective action
  • - Grassroots movement
  • - Eco-conscious choices
  • - Conservation efforts
  • - Environmental advocacy
What to do next:
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