Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is an acknowledged fact that there
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
many
excessive Replace the quantifier
much
consumption
of Change to a plural noun
consumptions
junk
items which can constitute detrimental impacts on human health. One supposes that Use synonyms
education
can work as an orientation to give healthier Use synonyms
lifestyle
to Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
people
Use synonyms
while
there are many controversial opinions Linking Words
of
the effectiveness by dint of educating Change preposition
on
people
. Though there is no doubt about the conducive contribution of Use synonyms
education
, I Use synonyms
argues
that it is insufficient without the support of Change the verb form
argue
government
.
Correct article usage
the government
Initially
, Linking Words
people
use fast Use synonyms
food
out of control Use synonyms
as a consequence
of their insufficient consciousness in terms of healthy diets so informing the harmful essences of them may be useful. Utilizing the spread of social media or conducting educational campaigns Linking Words
of keeping
healthy, even at school, teachers can get the harm of them across to student's awareness, letting Change preposition
to keep
education
as a catalyst which can reduce Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
junk
Use synonyms
food
consumption. Use synonyms
For instance
, the risks of Linking Words
junk
Use synonyms
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
results
in Correct subject-verb agreement
result
the
American life namely obesity, heart Correct article usage
apply
diseases
and so forth because residents just know the immediate benefits but do not think thoroughly about the future repercussions. Fix the agreement mistake
disease
Thus
, Linking Words
education
helps human health better, not worse.
Use synonyms
Nevertheless
, Linking Words
education
cannot work alone. Obviously, there is no point in boycotting Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
junk
Use synonyms
food
by educating Use synonyms
due to
the apathetic attitudes, especially when individuals have opportunities to approach the holistic Linking Words
education
of healthy Use synonyms
food
. Use synonyms
For example
, Linking Words
the
poor Correct article usage
apply
people
get Use synonyms
junk
items because of their affordability Use synonyms
while
busy ones get them Linking Words
as a result
of their convenience without regarding their sanitation. Linking Words
Moreover
, Linking Words
junk
Use synonyms
food
firms will make their products appealing that’s because fast Use synonyms
food
chains and Use synonyms
food
purveyors will not accept Use synonyms
to lose
profit, counteracting the endeavour of Change the verb form
losing
education
.
From my perspective, Use synonyms
this
issue can be solved by the mandates from Linking Words
government
. Imposing Add an article
the government
the
higher excise duty Correct article usage
a
of
fast Change preposition
on
food
should be Use synonyms
given
so as to decrease the number of Verb problem
done
junk
Use synonyms
food
consumers as a typical example of Dubai. Use synonyms
Additionally
, the authorities should tighten the amount of nutrition Linking Words
of
manufacturing Change preposition
in
food
harshly, producing them healthier.
In conclusion, it is unwise to underestimate the vital role Use synonyms
education
plays in human awareness. Use synonyms
In other words
, Linking Words
education
works as a fundamental factor Use synonyms
of
maintaining Change preposition
in
the
healthier lifestyle, Correct article usage
a
however
, it does not have a profound impact on Linking Words
people
without the combination of government.Use synonyms
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task achievement
Your essay covers both perspectives of the issue and provides a clear opinion. However, there are moments when the sentences are difficult to follow due to awkward phrasing or unclear connections between ideas. For example, "the poor people get junk items because of their affordability while busy ones get them as a result of their convenience without regarding their sanitation." Try to clarify and streamline such sentences for easier comprehension.
task achievement
Ensure each main point is sufficiently supported with relevant examples or explanations. In some instances, points were mentioned without deeper exploration or clear connection to the argument. Providing more detailed examples or elaborations can strengthen your arguments. For instance, elaborating on how education campaigns at schools can be conducted would give more depth to your point.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to transitions and the flow of the essay. While the structure is logical, some sections could benefit from better connectors to improve readability. Linking words and phrases can help to make your argument flow more smoothly from one idea to the next.
task response
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and effectively discusses both views as required by the task.
task response
A strong effort is made to support the main points with examples, such as the example relating to American obesity and heart diseases.
structure
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion and provide a clear stance on the issue.
logical structure
The structure of the essay is logical, with clear paragraphs dedicated to each aspect of the argument.