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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisions where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisions where relevant.
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college #summarise #information #features #comparisions
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The two diagrams compare the alternative employment status of people who completed graduate school to those who pursued higher
education
Use synonyms
 in the UK for the year 2008, it is worth noticing that these data did not take into consideration the full-time job sector.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent that the numbers of the two groups are strikingly different, where there were roughly over 1500 unemployed people who hold postgraduate degrees, the number was ten times more for those with only a college
education
Use synonyms
, reaching 16000.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, nearly 30000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
graduate students choose to continue their
education
Use synonyms
, compared to less than 3000 of the postgraduate group.
in addition
Linking Words
 to that, working part-time comes as a second
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
 option next to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 choice.
In contrast
Linking Words
, volunteering compromised the least pursued path in both demographics, in conclusion, it is evident that the majority of people who did not get a
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 job are usually seeking
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 regardless of their current
education
Use synonyms
 level.
Submitted by maryamansour11 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words education with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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