IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

All large companies should provide sports and social facilities to the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#companies #sports #facilities #community
The local community plays a crucial role in everyone’s life. In the contemporary era, whether giant companies should offer support
such
 as sports and social facilities to society is a topic of debate. There are many reasons why some hold the view that
this
 action should not be encouraged,
while
 others believe that
this
 would benefit the
locals
.
This
 essay will discuss my opinion on the abovementioned matter before presenting my agreement on the latter. On the one hand, many individuals believe that the government should provide sports and social amenities. It is a costly exercise to be able to maintain these facilities, especially sports ones.
In particular
, a basketball field requires ongoing maintenance, to make it safe for everyone to use. Businesses might build a facility at the beginning and be able to keep it going for a certain period,
however
, if they go bankrupt and there is no one to cover the expenses, all previous efforts will go to waste.
On the other hand
, I strongly believe that large companies should provide these facilities to
locals
. First of all,
locals
 are customers, without them, businesses will not be able to run.
This
 is a
way
 to give back to the community and raise their value.
Secondly
, these places are the best
way
 for companies to communicate with
locals
, by signages and events.
Lastly
, there is a high chance that these citizens can be their future employees,
hence
,
this
 is a
way
 to invest in potential candidates. In summary, great organisations should supply necessary amenities to
locals
, to support
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
 in a greater
way
.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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task achievement
To enhance your essay, consider providing more specific examples and elaborating on them. This will strengthen your argument and make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally coherent, linking phrases and transitions between paragraphs can be improved for smoother flow. For instance, using phrases like 'in addition,' 'moreover,' or 'however' can enhance the connectivity between your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The structure makes it easy to follow the argument.
task achievement
The arguments presented are logical and contribute well to the overall task response. The essay addresses both sides of the debate, which shows a balanced perspective.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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