Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe it is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The majority of
people
often Use synonyms
said
that when Wrong verb form
say
people
Use synonyms
used
Wrong verb form
use
the
cultural Correct article usage
apply
traditions
Use synonyms
as
attract Change preposition
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
citizen
to make Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
money
,Use synonyms
it
will be destroyed.Others think that it is the best Correct pronoun usage
they
way
to rescue the Use synonyms
traditions
.Use synonyms
This
author agrees with the latter choice and I will Linking Words
show
both Use synonyms
perspective
in the following essay.
It must be understood that cultural Change to a plural noun
perspectives
traditions
may be destroyed when they are used Use synonyms
as making
Change preposition
to make
money
to attract tourists.Use synonyms
This
means it can Linking Words
be exchange
and Change the verb form
be exchanged
do
not have the purpose Correct subject-verb agreement
does
that is
Linking Words
save
the Replace the word
saving
cultural
like before.Replace the word
culture
Consequently
,the country Linking Words
is
lost Verb problem
has
Change the word
its
the
Correct pronoun usage
its
Replace the word
culture
cultural
Replace the word
culture
as well as
Linking Words
Change the word
its
the
various Correct pronoun usage
its
Change preposition
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
traditions
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
Correct pronoun usage
its focus
focus
on Correct pronoun usage
its focus
money
.Use synonyms
For example
,if local Linking Words
cuisine
and specialties just serve the Use synonyms
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
for making
Change preposition
to make
money
,Use synonyms
it
could be destroyed because Correct pronoun usage
they
the
value Change the word
their
of
Change preposition
apply
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
depend
on the stories Change the verb form
depends
how
to make but not Change preposition
of how
depend
on Verb problem
apply
profit
Correct article usage
the profit
it
cause.
Correct pronoun usage
they
However
,it is the only Linking Words
way
to save the Use synonyms
cuisine
.Use synonyms
In other words
,when it Linking Words
Use synonyms
show
Wrong verb form
is shown
for
tourists or citizens,it Change preposition
to
make
the Change the verb form
makes
people
know it and try to research Use synonyms
as well as
the ordinary of Linking Words
this
food.Linking Words
Therefore
,it Linking Words
is
rescued and Wrong verb form
was
become
the local Wrong verb form
became
cuisine
Use synonyms
as well
Linking Words
as
numerous Correct word choice
and
of
Change preposition
apply
people
know Use synonyms
the
value Change the word
its
of
Change preposition
apply
it
.Correct pronoun usage
apply
This
is true in China,which is Linking Words
the
country Correct article usage
a
have
many various Wrong verb form
that has
food
.They always let the Change to a plural noun
foods
people
eat their food Use synonyms
while
they talk about how it is created and the story behind that nourishment.
From my point of view,I believe the Linking Words
way
to serve Use synonyms
people
sustenance Use synonyms
as well as
advertise it for everyone is the best Linking Words
way
to save traditionally.Use synonyms
Thus
,it Linking Words
make
Change the verb form
makes
population
know more Correct article usage
the population
as well as
Linking Words
Use synonyms
show
the value of Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
cuisine
.
In conclusion,the only Use synonyms
way
to save cultural Use synonyms
traditions
is Use synonyms
Use synonyms
show
for more Fix the infinitive
to show
people
know it.Use synonyms
Hence
,the country will become different and Linking Words
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
the
unique when the population visit and Correct article usage
apply
get
away from it all.Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
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task achievement
The essay addresses the task but could benefit from clearer expression. Your argument would be stronger with more specific and well-developed examples.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is logically structured with an introduction and conclusion, the ideas within paragraphs need clearer connections. Use transition words and phrases to link ideas within and between sentences.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can be improved. Consider revising some sentences to make them clearer and more concise.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents both viewpoints and provides a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the argument and reinforces the writer's perspective.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example