Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe it is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The majority of
community
often Correct article usage
the community
say
that when folk use cultural Correct subject-verb agreement
says
practice
to attract citizens to make Fix the agreement mistake
practices
bill
, they will be destroyed.Others think that it is the best action to rescue the folklore.Fix the agreement mistake
bills
This
author agrees with the latter choice and I will show both perspectives in the following essay.
It must be understood that cultural idea
may be destroyed when they are used to make wealth to attract tourists.Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
This
means it can be exchanged and does not have the purpose of saving the culture like before.Consequently
,the country has lost its culture as well as
its various mythology due to
its focus on bill
.Fix the agreement mistake
bills
For example
,if local cooking and specialties
just serve the citizens to make Change the spelling
specialities
fund
, they could be destroyed because their value depends on the stories of how to make but not on the profit it causes.
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
However
,it is the only idea to save the meal.In other words
,when it is shown to tourists or citizens,it makes the society know it and try to research as well as
the ordinary of this
food.Therefore
,it was rescued and became the local menu as well and numerous nation
know its value .Fix the agreement mistake
nations
This
is true in China,which is a country that has many various foods.They always let the crowd eat their food while
they talk about how it is created and the story behind that nourishment.
From my point of view,I believe the approach to serve
public sustenance Wrong verb form
serving
as well as
advertise
it for everyone is the best step to Wrong verb form
advertising
save
traditionally.Wrong verb form
saving
Thus
,it makes the population know more as well as
shows the value of fare.
In conclusion,the only plan to save cultural ethics is to show that more communities know it.Hence
,the country will become different and unique when the population visits and gets away from it all.Submitted by [email protected] on
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coherence cohesion
You should improve the logical flow of your essay. Each paragraph should strongly link to each other, making a more cohesive piece. Try using transitional phrases more effectively to connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction introduces your main points more clearly, and your conclusion restates these points while synthesizing the discussion. This will help in creating a stronger overall structure.
task achievement
Provide clear and relevant examples to support your arguments. While you have mentioned some examples, they could be more specific and related directly to your points.
task achievement
Develop your ideas thoroughly. Some of your ideas are briefly mentioned and could benefit from more detailed explanations and supporting information.
task achievement
You have touched upon both views of the topic, which shows a balanced understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a satisfying structure to your discussion.
coherence cohesion
You've attempted to use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, which is excellent for demonstrating range.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example