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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of young people in higher education in four different countries in 2000, 2005 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of young people in higher education in four different countries in 2000, 2005 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #people #education #four #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given bar graph illustrates the
rate
Use synonyms
 of young
people
Use synonyms
 in higher education in four different
countries
Use synonyms
 within in period of 10 years , commencing from 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
rate
Use synonyms
 of educated
people
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 can be observed for
country
Use synonyms
 D in 2010
while
Linking Words
 the opposite can be seen for
country
Use synonyms
 A in 2000.
According to
Linking Words
 the diagram,
country
Use synonyms
 A had the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
 of individuals with a high level of education
by
Change preposition
apply
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38% in 2000 and for all of the
countries
Use synonyms
 moderately increased during the period when it
reaches
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 64% in 2000
then
Linking Words
 the same trend can be considered for all of the
countries
Use synonyms
 in 2005 .they experienced gradually rise ,apart from brief decline for
country
Use synonyms
 B to reach 41% . the number of young
people
Use synonyms
 educated in 2010 significantly reduced by around 10% for
countries
Use synonyms
 A,B,and
Cwhile
Correct your spelling
C while
 the opposite can be found for other categories.
Linking Words
moreover
Capitalize word
Moreover
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,
country
Use synonyms
 B had
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 of educated
people
Use synonyms
 from 41% to 46% in 2000,2005 and 2010.
Submitted by salehmiri1995 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, people, countries, country with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "reaches" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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