Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
The
Olympic
Games
are held every four years and people
around the world can participate. However
, some may argue that these events are not important and that the money
invested in organizing these activities could be used for other alarming issues. In my opinion, preparing for the Olympic
Games
is quite expensive but brings benefits to the organizing country
.
The main purpose of organizing Olympic
tournaments is to attract tourists and athletes from all over the world. This
benefits the country
as its financial status will increase. For example
, the government earns more profit when selling tickets to tournaments around the world. This
will enhance the country
's economic position on a larger scale than the money
spent on preparations. Therefore
, people
will enjoy a high standard of living.
On the other hand
, some people
believe that these events are very expensive. They like to use their money
effectively and efficiently. For example
, in developing countries where people
struggle to make ends meet it may be found irresponsible for governments to invest in these games
instead
of providing them with a better quality of life. More worrying problems like poverty or malnutrition could be alleviated if money
was pumped into the economy and helped the poor.
In short, the Olympic
games
really benefit the country
that has the means to host them. I believe this
has a positive impact on the tourism industry. However
, the government should not rely solely on these events to maintain a good standard of living.Submitted by [email protected]
on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and comprehensive response to the task. However, to strengthen your argument, you might want to include more specific examples or case studies to support your points.
coherence cohesion
While your essay generally follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, the flow between ideas could be smoother. Using more linking words and phrases can help improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Some points in the essay could be elaborated further for better depth. For example, providing details on how the Olympics promote intercultural exchange could make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for each point.
task achievement
You have a good grasp of the topic and present both sides of the argument effectively.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes your stand and reflects the main points discussed in the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite