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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of difference in income between men and women from 1978 to 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of difference in income between men and women from 1978 to 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #difference #income #men #women #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of variation in income between men and women from 1978 to 2008 in five countries
named
Verb problem
apply
show examples
Japan,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
,France,
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,all countries except
Australia
Use synonyms
 showed
decline
Add an article
a decline
show examples
 in the
percentage
Use synonyms
difference
Use synonyms
 from 1978
to2008
Correct your spelling
to 2008
.
Australia
Use synonyms
 has presented
steady
Correct article usage
a steady
show examples
 decline
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 1998 and rapid elevation from there to 2008. In 1978,both France and
Use synonyms
Australia
Change noun form
Australia's
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
difference
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 slightly below 20% which
has gone
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 down steadily
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 1998.After 1998, it
was raised
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 above 20% in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and France has
gone
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 down slightly
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
lower than the
level
Use synonyms
 in 1978.
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
The UK
show examples
 & US
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
showed
Change the verb form
shown
show examples
the same pattern ,
although
Linking Words
 the initial
level
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1978 was below 30% in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and above 30% in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
.Both of these levels
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the almost same
level
Use synonyms
 in 2008
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is slightly below the
level
Use synonyms
 of earning
difference
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
in1978
Correct your spelling
in 1978
. Japan has had the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
difference
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
 of all countries which was
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 45% to 50% in 1978.That has been declined to the
level
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
little
liitle
Correct your spelling
little
 bit more
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 40% in the year of 2008
Submitted by dinaka0001 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, uk, australia, difference, level with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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