some people believe that schools should teach students how to fight and physically defend themselves while others think it causes many problems for the youth. what is your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
while
Linking Words
a group of people think is better to children learn how
fight
Add the particle
to fight
show examples
back in schools and keep themselves in every fight
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
group
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
not
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that,
also
Linking Words
they think learning them to battle
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a lot of bad
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
on them I agree with the second group and I think it can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
them in some ways.
childs in
Correct your spelling
Children
ages 7 to 14 are in the most
imprtant yaers
Correct your spelling
important years
of their
life
Use synonyms
and everything they learn
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
effect
Add an article
an effect
show examples
on their
life
Use synonyms
when they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
adults.
Educational
Add an article
The educational
show examples
system is so
nessecary
Correct your spelling
necessary
for children
behave
Fix the infinitive
to behave
show examples
they are blank
canvas
Fix the agreement mistake
canvases
show examples
and
this
Linking Words
system is painting on them.
Everythings
Fix the agreement mistake
Everything
show examples
they learn in these years can make their personality
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their future, so if they learn how to
figh
Correct your spelling
fight
fish
in these
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
of
theire
Correct your spelling
their
life
Use synonyms
it may happen
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their reality
life
Use synonyms
many
yaers
Correct your spelling
years
after. There is a research in Cambdrige
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
in England and the researchers find that children who were growing
in
Change preposition
up in
show examples
friendly places have
bigger
Correct article usage
a bigger
show examples
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
than the the
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
who were
growed on
Verb problem
growing up in
show examples
war
ereas
Correct your spelling
areas
. Giving them a mindset of
Correct article usage
a specefic
show examples
specefic
Correct your spelling
specific
situation can shut their
ayes
Correct your spelling
eyes
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
another thing. If we tell them always have to
waite
Correct your spelling
wait
for an attack would
fixed
Change the verb form
fix
be fixed
show examples
their mind in insecurity and
this
Linking Words
make them
anxios
Correct your spelling
anxious
for all of their
Use synonyms
life time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
. There is a fact that our mindset
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
our
apportunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
of
life
Use synonyms
and if they always wanted to be
surrvive
Correct your spelling
survive
when they are going to
enjoye
Correct your spelling
enjoy
of their
life
Use synonyms
. So
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
them
pereception
Correct your spelling
perception
perceptions
of
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
themselves can`t help them. So
eventualy
Correct your spelling
eventually
I believe as I said there is no need to
preaper childs
Correct your spelling
prepare children
for
esstresful
Correct your spelling
stressful
situaition
Correct your spelling
situation
situations
, we have to let them be happy with their friend and
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
them how can find friends more.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve your essay, consider providing more structured arguments with clear main points. Each paragraph should discuss a single idea or argument in detail.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate transitional phrases and logical connectors to enhance the flow of your essay. This will ensure that your arguments are more cohesively connected.
task achievement
Make sure that each of your points are clearly supported by relevant examples or evidence. This can help in making your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
task achievement
Proofread your work to correct grammatical errors and improve the structure of sentences. This will make your essay clearer and more professional.
task achievement
You have expressed a clear opinion and have made an effort to provide reasons and examples to support your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and conclusion, which is a good practice for structuring your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: