Some people believe that schools should teach students how to fight and physically defend themselves while others think it causes many problems for the youth. what is your opinion?
while
a group of people think is better to Linking Words
children
learn how to fight back in schools and keep themselves in every fight another group does not believe that, Use synonyms
also
they think learning them to battle has a lot of bad effects on them I agree with the second group and I think it can be harmful to them in some ways.
Linking Words
Children
ages 7 to 14 are in the most important years of their growth and everything they learn has an effect on their activity when they are adults. The educational system is so necessary for Use synonyms
children
to behave they are blank canvases and Use synonyms
this
system is painting on them. Everything they learn in these years can make their personality in their future, so if they learn how to fight in these times of their soul it may happen in their reality growth many years after. There is Linking Words
a
research Correct article usage
apply
in
Change preposition
at
Cambdrige
University in England and the researchers find that Correct your spelling
Cambridge
children
who were growing Use synonyms
in
friendly places have bigger Change preposition
up in
community
than the Fix the agreement mistake
communities
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
who Use synonyms
were growing
up in war areas.
Giving them a mindset of Wrong verb form
grow
specific
situation can shut their eyes to another thing. If we tell them always have to wait for an attack would fix their mind in insecurity and Correct article usage
a specific
this
make them anxious for all of their lifetime. There is a fact that our mindset makes our opportunity of activity and if they always wanted to Linking Words
be survive
when they are going to enjoy of their growth. So making them perception of saving themselves can`t help them.
So eventually I believe as I said there is no need to prepare Change the verb form
survive
children
for stressful Use synonyms
situation
, we have to let them be happy with their Fix the agreement mistake
situations
friend
and teach them how can find friends more.Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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task achievement
Your essay does present a clear position on the topic, arguing against teaching children to physically defend themselves in schools. However, the specific examples given are not sufficiently developed or relevant. For instance, the reference to research from Cambridge University lacks specific details and direct relevance to the topic. Make sure to provide more specific, detailed, and relevant examples to better support your argument.
coherence cohesion
While you have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, your essay's logical structure needs improvement. Some sentences are unclear, and ideas are somewhat disjointed. Work on improving the logical flow between ideas and ensure each paragraph supports your main argument coherently.
coherence cohesion
Transition between ideas and paragraphs can be smoother. For instance, use linking words and phrases to clearly indicate how one idea leads to another. Improve the organization of your essay to create a more cohesive and coherent argument.
general
Ensure grammatical accuracy and vary your vocabulary to improve clarity. Some sentences are difficult to understand due to grammatical errors. Additionally, be cautious with spelling errors (e.g., 'Cambdrige'). Work on improving sentence structure and clarity of expression.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the given topic, which is essential for a solid essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a structured format with introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is a good approach.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.