IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The majority of people work hard in order to achieve success while for others it comes naturally. Do you think some people are destine to be successful. How can success be measured.

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There are numerous of evidence which portrays that a high amount of people significantly work hard in order to achieve a successful life
while
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 some individuals gain it effortlessly. In my opinion, accomplishment is mostly depending on personal and social perspectives.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate on these aspects and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
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, the first and foremost reason behind
this
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 is that some individuals possess inherent abilities or are born into a privileged background which provides many facilities to achieve their life's goal.
For example
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, children from wealthy families often have access to better education, guidance and opportunities that can significantly lead to a successful career. Another striking aspect in
this
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 regard is that many people who are naturally talented in fields
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 Sports, Acting, music and academics may accelerate fulfilment more easily than those who have to work hard to develop specific skills. On second thought, a couple of reasons drive me to consider the opposite notion as well, there are numerous examples showing that hard work is the main key component to pursuing goals, many self-made billionaires, scientists and scholars have demonstrated that consistency, resilience and perseverance can harnesses
overall
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 wealthy lifestyle, Elon Musk, Bill Gates and Robert Downey Junior are the biggest example of
this
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 phenomena.
On the other hand
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, measuring progress is subjective from
person
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 to
person
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, traditionally achievement is often associated with financial wealth, career achievement and social status.
However
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, for others, it may be defined by personal fulfilment, happiness and strong relationships. To recapitulate,
according to
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 the arguments and aforementioned, one reaches the conclusion that some receive achievements as a gift or by born talented, but I believe that it is largely a product of effort, resilience and perseverance.
Nevertheless
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, measurements of fame rely on
person
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 to
person
Use synonyms
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 financial wealth, social status and career achievements. From other's perspectives, it concludes as personal fulfilment, happiness and strong relationships.

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task achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly stating your opinion and outlining the main points of your essay. Consider rephrasing for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and connects to the main argument. Use appropriate linking words to enhance flow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or anecdotes, especially when discussing self-made billionaires to reinforce your point about effort and perseverance.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a balanced view by considering both perspectives on success, which shows critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarises the points made, providing a clear perspective on the topic.
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