Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together,. while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion,
Although
, it is believed by
some that Change preposition
apply
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
games
assist individuals from various countries together, However
, others think that it is just a money wastage which should be allocate
Change the verb form
be allocated
in
vital concerns. In my opinion, Change preposition
to
Correct article usage
the olympic
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
games
are necessary for subcontinents is more significant than its
opposing view.
Adequate evidence is obtainable in order to substantiate the concept of Change the word
the
this
topic. The top-notch concrete reason is globalization. As,
these sports not only bring the nations together but Remove the comma
apply
also
it
promotes the pace of tourism and e-commerce Correct pronoun usage
apply
due to
this
fact that all countries would become a global village where individuals can either buy or sell anything in the world. Despite Correct determiner usage
the
this
, Tourism
industry would directly accelerate the Gross National Income of the country which helps in the growth and development of constituencies in myriad aspects. Another unquestionable panacea is Olympics act as a sense of motivation for young ones. because these Add an article
the Tourism
games
developing
participation activity in different sports which assist youth to bring up their hidden talent Wrong verb form
develop
Correct your spelling
in front
infront
of Correct your spelling
in front
world
Add an article
the world
Conversely
public in general tend
to distinguish that these worldwide Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
games
is
only a Change the verb form
are
wastage
of resources like money and time rather than Replace the word
waste
to consider
the priority problems like Change the verb form
considering
poverty
and unemployment. To commence with, minority
of people deem that the root problems which resist in country's growth and development Add an article
a minority
the minority
is
Change the verb form
are
poverty
and unemployment. If authorities try utilize
their essential resources in Add the particle
to utilize
games
rather than to state the level of poverty
and unemployment results in build
a negative image of government in the eyes of their inhabitants. People could not exit from the circle of Verb problem
apply
poverty
line and generations to generations might suffer from this
. Instead
of
Change preposition
apply
Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
, administrations should take expedite
actions to allocate the resources Replace the word
expedited
into
priority issues so that it helps in nation's wealth.
To recapitulate, Change preposition
to
although
core issues needs
attention on Change the verb form
need
priority
levelCorrect article usage
a priority
but
, Remove the conjunction
apply
according to
my opinion, factors like tourism and e-commerce could not
be neglected.Wrong verb form
cannot
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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. Make sure each paragraph has one main idea and flows logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Although your essay addresses both sides of the argument, try to provide more detailed and specific examples to strengthen your points.
language
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary. There are some minor errors and awkward phrases that could be improved for better clarity and precision.
content
You have presented a balanced discussion of both views about the Olympics, which shows your understanding of the topic.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are clear, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example