IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together,. while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion,

#believe #olympic #games #people #nations #olympics #wastes #money
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Although
Linking Words
, it is believed
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some that
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 assist individuals from various countries together,
However
Linking Words
, others think that it is just a money wastage which should
be allocate
Change the verb form
be allocated
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 vital concerns. In my opinion,
Correct article usage
the olympic
show examples
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 are necessary for subcontinents is more significant than
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 opposing view. Adequate evidence is obtainable in order to substantiate the concept of
this
Linking Words
 topic. The top-notch concrete reason is globalization. As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 these sports not only bring the nations together but
also
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
promotes the pace of tourism and e-commerce
due to
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 fact that all countries would become a global village where individuals can either buy or sell anything in the world. Despite
this
Linking Words
,
Tourism
Add an article
the Tourism
show examples
 industry would directly accelerate the Gross National Income of the country which helps in the growth and development of constituencies in myriad aspects. Another unquestionable panacea is Olympics act as a sense of motivation for young ones. because these
games
Use synonyms
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
participation activity in different sports which assist youth to bring up their hidden talent
Correct your spelling
in front
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
Conversely
Linking Words
 public in general
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to distinguish that these worldwide
games
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 only a
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 of resources like money and time rather than
to consider
Change the verb form
considering
show examples
 the priority problems like
poverty
Use synonyms
 and unemployment. To commence with,
minority
Add an article
a minority
the minority
show examples
 of people deem that the root problems which resist in country's growth and development
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
poverty
Use synonyms
 and unemployment. If authorities try
utilize
Add the particle
to utilize
show examples
 their essential resources in
games
Use synonyms
 rather than to state the level of
poverty
Use synonyms
 and unemployment results in
build
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a negative image of government in the eyes of their inhabitants. People could not exit from the circle of
poverty
Use synonyms
 line and generations to generations might suffer from
this
Linking Words
.
Instead
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
, administrations should take
expedite
Replace the word
expedited
show examples
 actions to allocate the resources
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 priority issues so that it helps in nation's wealth. To recapitulate,
although
Linking Words
 core issues
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 attention on
priority
Correct article usage
a priority
show examples
 level
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
,
according to
Linking Words
 my opinion, factors like tourism and e-commerce
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 be neglected.
Submitted by ranpalsandhu045 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. Make sure each paragraph has one main idea and flows logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Although your essay addresses both sides of the argument, try to provide more detailed and specific examples to strengthen your points.
language
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary. There are some minor errors and awkward phrases that could be improved for better clarity and precision.
content
You have presented a balanced discussion of both views about the Olympics, which shows your understanding of the topic.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are clear, which helps to frame your argument effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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