IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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‏There is no denying the fact that
people
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useof
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use of
use
 computers and other
communication
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.
Howeve
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However
, some
people
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 believe that better use of
communication
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 for young
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people's
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people
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while
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 others disagree and
thaink
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think
 that it is essential to send young
people
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in
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to
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 reading and writing.
This
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 essay will give
opinion
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an opinion
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. ‏ First of all, there are many reasons
of
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to
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 improve
skills
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 for young
people
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.The initial one to consider
that
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is that
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, you should spend all
the
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your
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 free time
to get
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getting
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 more amazing
skills
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.
For example
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,
the
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apply
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reading is important to learn at school for all students to new more useful information.
Also
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,there are many different
theme
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themes
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 in books to assist all
age
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ages
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.
For instance
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, history books assist young
people
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 to
knew
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know
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 other cultures in many
country
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countries
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.
Moreover
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, the highest
skills
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much
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apply
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cost
for
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apply
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any body
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anybody
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have
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to have
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 that like, to make a great invention to help poor
people
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. ‏
On the other hand
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, others agree that
communication
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 is increasing
for
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by
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 using computers and mobile phones of individuals.
First,
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there are
affects
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effects
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of
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on
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body
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the body
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 if
use
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used
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 all
time
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the time
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 like physically and mentally. To elaborate
that
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on that
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, use
communication
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 in critical work and business .
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, the government spend more time
to get
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getting
show examples
 good work for young
people
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 and children to development their self.
consequently
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, that make error for the young
people
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 and children, and don't make more
skills
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 to the country. ‏
To sum up
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, there are no easy
answer
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answers
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 to
this
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 topic.
people
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 having different views. On balance,
however
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, l tend to believe that
skills
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is
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are
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 very important in
lif
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life
show examples

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coherence cohesion
Provide clearer structure: Break down your essay into distinct paragraphs for introduction, body (with separate paragraphs for each argument), and conclusion. This will improve the logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Use connecting phrases to link your ideas more smoothly. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are well-supported with relevant examples. This adds strength to your arguments and makes your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas. Re-read and refine your sentences to ensure they convey clear and comprehensive thoughts.
task achievement
You have attempted to address both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear attempt at providing a conclusion, which helps to wrap up your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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