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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

people can get online products easily. Do the benefits outweigh the drawbacks?

#people #products
People have more chances to approach copyrighted
products
 with lower payments.
Although
 it might be mentioned as bringing risks to technological security, the benefits of environmental protection
coupled with
 easier accessibility outweigh the aforementioned
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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. When it comes to the benefits of downloading materials online, it helps maintain the habitats of wildlife. To put it simply, if consumers prefer using digital versions rather than paper-based on as it is convenient to possess high-quality
products
 by touching the screen, the wood chopped down for paper production is reduced.
Due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technological development, everyone has the tendency to download albums of music or e-books, making the green space of locals stay in stable condition, which is the prime example of
this
 trend. Another advantage of being able to get copyrighted books and music on the Internet is anyone can keep up with equal knowledge
easier
Rephrase
more easily
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 than before. To be specific, students usually do not have much money on their hands but the demand for learning materials is enormous.
As a result
, with the support of the Internet, through the screen, they study from different resources that suit their studying styles. Take Cambridge as an example when
this
 university not only publicizes a paper version but
also
 numerous PDF files for IELTS learners to choose from. Some
Add a missing verb
are concern
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concern
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concerned
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 that during the process of accessing copyrighted
products
, people may get hacked. Clearly, on some websites, hackers apply toxic codes connected to their computer
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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.
Consequently
, with just one click on those links, all personal information on online pages will
then
 immediately be sent to
cybercriminals
Correct your spelling
cyber criminals
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.
However
,
this
 can be tackled by users
enhance
Fix the infinitive
to enhance
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 the awareness of stolen information over the days.
Therefore
, residents will have a healthy environment to access standard
products
.
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction should provide a clearer roadmap for your essay. Explicitly state that you will discuss both benefits and drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a strong conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the thesis in a new way.
task achievement
Address the drawback more comprehensively, perhaps by giving an example or elaborating on its potential impact.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas that address the topic effectively.
task achievement
Good use of relevant, specific examples to support your points, such as the Cambridge example.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure with well-supported main points, making your argument easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • durability
  • sustainability
  • longevity
  • affordability
  • consumerism
  • waste
  • environmental impact
  • value for money
  • customer satisfaction
  • brand loyalty
  • consumption
  • economic growth
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