Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people while others believe they don’t. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
While
some people
argue that athletes
serve as positive role models who are
inspire youngsters to become better versions, others think that Unnecessary verb
apply
athletes
Change noun form
athletes'
athlete's
behaviou
can effect negatively on their own lives. Correct your spelling
behaviour
However
, I totally believe that sports professionals are of great benefit to the general public.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that professional athletes
can exert on society due to
their behaviour. In other words
. the appearance of information about the players can bring
a detrimental effect on their fans' thinking. Verb problem
have
For example
, multiscandals
about using drugs, alcohol, or even violence from Correct your spelling
multi scandals
the
Correct article usage
apply
athletes
can make the wrong messages to the
individuals. Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
. if player do
extreme Change the verb form
does
sport
without protective gear, unprofessional Fix the agreement mistake
sports
people
can imitate their activities and may get in trouble about their healthy
seriously.
On the other side, professional Replace the word
health
athletes
are often regarded as a
role Correct article usage
apply
model
for individual sporters Fix the agreement mistake
models
can
help their Correct pronoun usage
who can
yound
fans be more cherished about the value of work, dedication, and Correct your spelling
young
also
the quality of efforts. For instance
, Anh Vien, a Vietnamese swimmer, has contributed to Vietnam many valuable prizes because of her spirit. Her fitness routine can inspire a healthy lifestyle in youth, and even the dedication to make her dream available. Thereafter
, the young generaitons
can follow their Correct your spelling
generations
generation
sole
lifestyle and enhance themselves to be Correct word choice
apply
a good individuals
in Correct the article-noun agreement
good individuals
a good individual
her
future.
In conclusion, Change the word
the
while
professional athletes
' behaviour both on and off the field has a negative effect influence by using banned substances and doing extreme sports without protection, they still serve as positive role models for young people
. I believe that people
can become better versions and contribute to society effectively by learning through athletes
' traits and their standard behavior
.Change the spelling
behaviour
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
The essay addresses both views effectively and expresses a clear opinion, which is supported by relevant arguments. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in grammar and vocabulary, which sometimes hinder clarity.
task achievement
Improving grammatical accuracy and expanding vocabulary range will help in presenting ideas more clearly and compellingly.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in providing a smoother flow between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Using more cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph transitions naturally from one idea to the next will enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Supporting main points with more specific examples and detailed explanations can strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument and provides a well-rounded discussion, which is essential for a high band score.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, outlining the issue and summarizing the writer’s opinion effectively.