IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In some places old age is value,while in other cultures youth is considered more important.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#places #age #value #cultures #youth
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It is believed that some
religion
Fix the agreement mistake
religions
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 value old
people
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whereas
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 different cultures state that
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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 generation is the priority.
This
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 author
agree
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agrees
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 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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younger
people
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 should be prior more than older
people
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 and will demonstrate why throughout the essay. Specifically, most of the workforce
mowadays
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nowadays
 are young workers.As young
people
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 are usually more healthy and
activer
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active
,many cultures throughout the world admire their skills and passion.
Therefore
Linking Words
, youngsters help benefit the country they
served
Wrong verb form
serve
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 and build a better living environment.
However
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, when most youngsters are immature and inexperienced,they tend to symbolize
as
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apply
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rhe
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the
 fragile innocent of society.
Subsequently
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, wiser elderly
people
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 in some of the
country
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countries
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 are looked up to by many individuals.They give advice and lead the young generation to a better lifestyle.It is
also
Linking Words
 believed that the affection elderly
people
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 get in their retirement is for their dedication and hard work during their youth.
To sum up
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,
while
Linking Words
 older
people
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 tend to be more
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experienced
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experiences
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experienced
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 and worth the affection more than younger
people
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, it is undeniable that the young generation is
also
Linking Words
 being valued as they are the main
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workforce
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work force
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workforce
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 of their country
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the question. Although you discussed both views, the explanation and development of these ideas could be more thorough.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Currently, the examples provided lack specificity and depth, which can weaken your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the transitions between your points to create a more logical flow in your essay. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
general english
Be mindful of grammar and spelling errors as they can affect the clarity of your writing. For example, 'mowadays' should be 'nowadays,' and 'rhe' should be 'the.'
general english
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and sophisticated.
task achievement
You provided clear opinions and stated your position effectively in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps with overall readability and structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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