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Band 3

In some places old age is value,while in other cultures youth is considered more important.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#places #age #value #cultures #youth
It is believed that some
religion
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religions
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 value old
people
whereas
 different cultures state that
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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 generation is the priority.
This
 author
agree
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agrees
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 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
younger
people
 should be prior more than older
people
 and will demonstrate why throughout the essay. Specifically, most of the workforce
mowadays
Correct your spelling
nowadays
 are young workers.As young
people
 are usually more healthy and
activer
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active
,many cultures throughout the world admire their skills and passion.
Therefore
, youngsters help benefit the country they
served
Wrong verb form
serve
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 and build a better living environment.
However
, when most youngsters are immature and inexperienced,they tend to symbolize
as
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apply
show examples
rhe
Correct your spelling
the
 fragile innocent of society.
Subsequently
, wiser elderly
people
 in some of the
country
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countries
show examples
 are looked up to by many individuals.They give advice and lead the young generation to a better lifestyle.It is
also
 believed that the affection elderly
people
 get in their retirement is for their dedication and hard work during their youth.
To sum up
,
while
 older
people
 tend to be more
Correct your spelling
experienced
show examples
experiences
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experienced
show examples
 and worth the affection more than younger
people
, it is undeniable that the young generation is
also
 being valued as they are the main
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workforce
show examples
work force
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workforce
show examples
 of their country
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the question. Although you discussed both views, the explanation and development of these ideas could be more thorough.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Currently, the examples provided lack specificity and depth, which can weaken your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the transitions between your points to create a more logical flow in your essay. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
general english
Be mindful of grammar and spelling errors as they can affect the clarity of your writing. For example, 'mowadays' should be 'nowadays,' and 'rhe' should be 'the.'
general english
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and sophisticated.
task achievement
You provided clear opinions and stated your position effectively in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps with overall readability and structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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