IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some scientists believe that in the future computers will be more intelligent than human beings. While some see this as a positive development others worry about the negative consequences. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In contemporary societies,
according to
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 the dominance of advanced
computers
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 in intelligence compared to humans, there has been a belief that
this
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 will bring about positive changes,
while
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 others are concerned about the blurry future of humans.
This
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 essay firmly believes that it is
unfavorable
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unfavourable
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 for human civilization on account of job displacement and loss of social relationships, despite those who assume that the quality of life could be improved. It is essential to acknowledge that the more advanced technologies are applied to communities, the more
people
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 are unemployed.
In other words
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, innovations,
such
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 as
computers
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, can control and manage the work with extreme accuracy and speed.
Furthermore
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, with too much dependency on
technologies
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technology
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,
people
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are lacking
Wrong verb form
lack
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 logical thinking and practical experience, leading to an increase in unemployment rates.
As a consequence
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, futuristic
computers
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 will replace the excessive number of
people
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 who lack professional skills and work ineffectively, contributing to many social tensions. Take the USA as a pertinent example, where almost 80% of production is based on automation lines, replacing
the
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a
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 large number of employees. Some critics,
however
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, presume that by paralleling the development of
computers
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, living conditions would be enhanced. They believe that in terms of society, high-tech
computers
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 can not only support
people
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 to make
profit
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a profit
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 by utilizing them as automated managers, but they will
also
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 become the solutions for many social tensions and global issues,
such
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 as the
wealthy
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wealth
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 gap or climate change.
This
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 point has credibility, yet the more popular
computers
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 will be in the future, the more dependent
people
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 will be, leading to a reduction in human intelligence and creativity. In
this
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 situation, communities will disappear and be replaced by robotic dominance. From
this
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 writer’s perspective, social interaction is becoming wider and wider
as a result
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 of the introduction of high-tech mechanics, and more specifically,
computers
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.
This
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 is because,
due to
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 the convenience of
forum
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forums
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 or chatting apps
such
Linking Words
 as Messenger or Facebook,
people
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, especially young generations, will use them to have
an
Correct article usage
apply
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online-based
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
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, contributing to the loss of communicative skills and self-confidence. With
this
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 in mind, many young
people
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 who are introverts will definitely spend their time on
computers
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 to confidently express ideas and concepts, resulting in the forgetfulness of their mother tongue and natural accent.
Hence
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, a more intelligent future computer can break down human relationships and other practical skills.
Thus
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, the possible impact of occupation replacement and the lack of communal interaction need to be considered.
Therefore
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, it should have been demonstrated that it is
unfavorable
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unfavourable
show examples
 for humans to develop the level of
computers
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 without any consideration of controlling them.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, but there are areas that need more specific examples and details to support your points better. For instance, more concrete examples related to job displacement and social relationship issues could strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph logically flows from one to the next, and consider using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. Additionally, ensure each main idea is distinctly developed in separate paragraphs for better clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your arguments effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt well by discussing both sides of the argument and giving your own opinion.
task achievement
You have presented some relevant examples and explanations, which support your main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • artificial intelligence (AI)
  • cognitive capabilities
  • technological singularity
  • ethical standards
  • regulatory frameworks
  • personalized services
  • erosion of privacy
  • misuse of AI
  • stringent
  • mitigate
  • advancements
  • dependency
  • efficiently
  • complex problems
  • quality of life
  • significant
  • intelligent AI
What to do next:
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