successful sports orifessionals can earn a great deal more money that people in other important professions. some people think this is fully justified while others think it is ufair.

Sports professionals have long and demanding days of training and food restrictions which are reflected a short term physical injuries,
due to
physical wear and tear, some people think that high
salaries
for
athletes
are commensurate with their efforts,
while
others hold of view that
this
is unfair, because there are others important carriers for society. I shall explain my perspective analysing each opinion in
this
essay. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
there are other careers long duration, that have great investments of
money
for parents and students,
Therefore
once they finish their studies it is very difficult to find work or they may even work with low
salaries
,In that case, many people believe that
this
is unfair to most professionals.
For example
, archaeological investigations with budgets that are too low for their investigations are forced to end the project. In my opinion,
salaries
should be equal,
however
, I think
athletes
should earn more
money
for their injuries and physical activity. In my opinion,
salaries
should be equal,
however
, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
athlete should earn more
money
for their injuries and physical activity. It is important to highlight that since childhood high performers are subject to demanding training to earn an important place in the sport, they can be recognized in the future so that a sponsor can help them.
Furthermore
,
this
required many years of practice and dedication to be recognized, to the point that some
athletes
receive large sums of
money
to help them receive treatments for their future since they constantly have muscular problems that force them to leave their profession behind. an early age.
For example
, footballers play long matches where their body suffers knee breaks among other lessons, but
although
they gain fame it is at the cost of their health. In summary,
although
there are careers that deserve fair
salaries
for the time of study and monetary investment, I find that the remuneration of
athletes
is fair for their preparation and for the physical lessons they can present at an early age.
Submitted by dannyrrng33 on

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task achievement
Your essay contains clear and comprehensive ideas, but ensure all arguments are fully developed with relevant examples to strengthen your points. For instance, describe specific challenges athletes face and compare these to challenges in other professions.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving your logical structure. Some sentences are long and complex, which can make the essay hard to follow. Using shorter, clearer sentences will improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition in your essay. For example, the sentence about athletes should earn more money for their injuries appears twice consecutively. Careful proofreading can help avoid such instances.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states the topic and gives a good overview of what the essay will discuss.
supported main points
You have provided valid points and examples, such as the challenges faced by archaeological professionals and athletes.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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