In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development?
in many countries in the
world
young people choose to leave their parent's Add a comma
world,
home
when they finish school.Fix the agreement mistake
homes
however
, they live alone or they share their houses with friends. I believe that according to
modern society , this
decide
can be correct , Replace the word
decision
Although
there are some challenges for them.
To begin
with , it is clear that
almost most children like to be dependant
. Replace the word
dependent
however
, they can not live with their parents for always.furthermore
, they must learn to continue their lives without Capitalize word
Furthermore
supportive
from their families.Replace the word
support
there
are some advantages and some disadvantages Capitalize word
There
in
Change preposition
to
this
decide
. Replace the word
decision
for example
, they try to explore their skills and earn money from their abilities. in addition
, they learn to manage and save their money to buy house
or car. Correct article usage
a house
on the other hand
, they must do their routine works
, Fix the agreement mistake
work
such
as cooking , washes
the dishes or go the bank. they have to multi-task at the same time often and Wrong verb form
washing
this
is a good point for their future.in
other words , it helps to get strong in front of problems.I agree that children should leave their parent's home because of these reasons.
there are some disadvantages Capitalize word
In
in
Change preposition
to
this
issue. for instance
, when they get sick , they must care themeselve
and it is very hard obviously or they feel homesick Correct your spelling
themselves
due to
distance
between Correct article usage
the distance
they
and Change the pronoun
them
themeselves
. in the meantime , there are not good friends always and it may Correct your spelling
themselves
they
create unhealthy friendships.Correct pronoun usage
apply
Hence
they should be careful for finding friends.
to sum up
, leaving parent's
home is Correct article usage
a parent's
benefecial
as it improves Correct your spelling
beneficial
children' s
abilities , Change noun form
children's
Although
there are some problems in
Change preposition
with
this
decide
. Replace the word
decision
Thus
. everyone should decide according to
own
personality.Correct pronoun usage
their own
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language
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structure
Make sure to use transition words and phrases to better connect your paragraphs and ideas. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
content
Include more specific examples or evidence to support your main points. This will help strengthen your argument.
content
Expand on your ideas more thoroughly. Some points are briefly mentioned but not fully developed.
content
You have addressed both the positive and negative aspects of young people leaving their parents’ home.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
structure
The structure of the essay is easy to follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
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Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.