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Writing Samples
Band 5

In today's world of advance technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers.What can art tell us about life that science and technology cannot?

#world #advance #technology #value #artists #musicians #painters #writers #art #life #science
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In contemporary society, despite the developed technology, individuals who work in artistic
field
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fields
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such
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 as musicians, painters and writers are still valued by
human
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humans
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. The writer of
this
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 essay argues that
art
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 can teach certain lessons in life that
human
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humans
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 cannot learn from science and technology. It is undeniable that
art
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 is a form of creativity which means it can be understood in various meaning.
In other words
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,
art
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 shows
human
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humans
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 how to think
in
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from
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 different perspectives which the science world cannot offer because of its stringent rules. Constrastly, in
art
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, individuals are allowed to freely use their imagination;
therefore
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, develop
our
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their
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 cognitive thinking skills.
Consequently
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,
this
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 way of thinking can help people
to
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apply
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gain deeper insight into things and easily think of possible solutions when encountering problems.
For instance
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, a cat is just only
a
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an
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 ordinary animal in researchers' eyes;
however
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, a cat in literature can be a family member, a friend or even a hero
whom
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who
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 can help the world. Another essential skill in life that
art
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 can provide is how to sympathize with others. To simplify, as the world is rapidly developing,
human
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humans
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 is getting busier which leads to ignorance towards life and surroundings.
However
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, people can again find their feelings and emotions back through
art
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 because every artwork
instills
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instils
show examples
 the writer's thoughts in it. Take music as a prime example which has been used in many charity campaigns
so as
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apply
show examples
to encourage people to donate
for
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to
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 the poor. A survey conducted in Korea shows that with music, some organizations are able to raise funds up to millions of
dollar
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dollars
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. In conclusion, it is the opinion of
this
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 writer that only
art
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 can teach
human
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humans
show examples
 how to observe from different views
as well as
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 support other lives which cannot be taught by either technology or science.
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task achievement
To enhance your task achievement, consider providing more specific and varied examples. For instance, instead of just mentioning literature and music, you could include examples from painting and other forms of art.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs, making sure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Transition phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'moreover' could help improve cohesion.
task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear statement of the topic and your position, which sets a good foundation for your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Your essay includes insightful arguments on how art helps develop cognitive skills and empathy, which are well articulated and relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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