IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree?

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Upon being asked to choose between working and not to, most would decide on the latter.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the statement because of the abundance
in
Change preposition
of
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 freedom and
time
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 to pursue meaningful activity. It should be known that
,
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apply
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 having a job means people need to cover some aspect of responsibility, which can be suffocating and stressful in many cases. What is more, not everybody
being
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is
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 able to indulge in their
prefer
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preferred
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 job and position, leading to dissatisfaction in the workplace. The
overall
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 picture paints a scenario where one
lack
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lacks
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 in freedom to follow their ambitions, ending up
replying
Correct your spelling
relying
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 on the companies and corporations.
This
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 can easily be seen in
modern day
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modern-day
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of
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apply
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life; people have no other choice but to continue going on shifts in order to make a living.
That is
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 the reason why if
choice
Correct article usage
a choice
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 can be
chosen
Verb problem
made
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, many individuals would
pursuit
Replace the word
pursue
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 not working. Not only that, quitting work holds a lot of tempting ideas, the majority would be the
overall
Linking Words
free-
Correct your spelling
free time
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time
Use synonyms
 that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 available as to the usual working hours.
Instead
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 of the workloads with numerous deadlines pilling on the desk, now, workers are able to
spent
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spend
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time
Use synonyms
 with
love
Replace the word
loved
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 ones. Nowadays, as
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result of
the
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apply
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competitiveness in business, individuals have to
prioritized
Wrong verb form
prioritise
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 their
job
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jobs
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 so that they can maintain
Correct pronoun usage
their position
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position
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positions
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 or get promoted. Many of
which
Correct pronoun usage
these
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 include lack of
time
Use synonyms
 for family, a consequence is an unfulfilling family relationship
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 both parties. Being aware of
this
Linking Words
, it is likely that a
big
Correct word choice
large
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 amount of people would fall into the not working category on behalf of bonding with
love
Replace the word
loved
show examples
 ones. Taking all points into consideration, it is evident why the vote between two choices would see an imbalance because a large proportion of citizens saw the potential of free
time
Use synonyms
 and freedom in the proposal of not working.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position on the topic. However, the argument could be made stronger with more specific examples and clearer explanations. Try to include real-life examples or hypothetical scenarios to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical structure to the essay, with an introduction and conclusion present. However, both could be more effective. The introduction could be expanded to give a fuller background of the issue, while the conclusion could better summarize the key points discussed.
language accuracy
Some sentences are grammatically incorrect or unclear. Pay attention to sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and word choice to improve clarity and fluency. For example, the phrase 'prefer job and position' should be 'preferred job and position'.
coherence and cohesion
The essay could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas. Use linking words such as 'furthermore', 'moreover', and 'in addition' to make the essay flow better.
task achievement
The essay displays a thoughtful engagement with the topic and provides some valid points for discussion.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear attempt to organize the essay logically, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal interests
  • social isolation
  • structured daily routine
  • sense of purpose
  • achievement
  • boredom
  • overworking
  • burnout
  • hobbies
  • family time
  • work pressures
  • stress
  • health issues
  • social interactions
What to do next:
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