IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Task 2: When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#life #work #time #people
It is a highly debatable topic that people want to opt out of working rather than devote nearly all of their time to a career. The writer of
this
 essay,
while
 acknowledging the mental benefits that not working can have, disagrees with the statement
due to
 the unstable
life
 and the will to contribute to society. It should be noted that choosing not to work can lead to an unstable
life
.
This
 is because , in the modern world, money is only given
according to
 the contribution of the workers to the company, so those who are unemployed cannot rely on
this
 method to earn a living. They have to depend on other sources of passive income,
such
 as allowances from family or money from charity organizations and the government.
As a result
, their
life
 would be fully dependent on others, rendering them unstable and unsustainable. Granted, individuals may have the desire to lead their
life
 without any work. They contend that as their time is finite, more of it should be spent on entertainment as a way to enjoy
life
.
Thus
,
instead
 of spending hours in front of a computer screen every day, they opt for memorable experiences, which may include long trips around the world or spending more time with family and friends.
However
, the aspect of entertainment in today’s world
also
 requires money, which is not readily available for those who choose not to work. Another point worth considering is that humans have the tendency to contribute to their groups.
In other words
, people in a society know that they receive many benefits,
such
 as education opportunities, employment and basic services from the government, and
therefore
 feel the need to give back to the community.
This
 can create a passive responsibility and motivation that prevents them from being idle. Take Norway as a prime example, where high social contributions are derived from all the incentive schemes made by the local councils. Taking all points into account,
although
 the factor of entertainment can be considered, it is not as determining as the risk of
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unstable growth and the desire to give back to the nation.
Hence
, it should have been shown that people are more likely to prioritize a working
life
 over an idle one.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and comprehensive argument, but some ideas could be expanded further for more depth. Try to provide more detailed analysis and examples to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to improve the logical flow of your essay. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are well-written, make sure each body paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a consistent structure to improve overall coherence.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a balanced view and well-developed argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, providing clarity and completeness to your essay.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples that support your main points, adding credibility to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal interests
  • social isolation
  • structured daily routine
  • sense of purpose
  • achievement
  • boredom
  • overworking
  • burnout
  • hobbies
  • family time
  • work pressures
  • stress
  • health issues
  • social interactions
What to do next:
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