IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of time, people always choose not to work. do you agree or diagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 are asked to work most of their lives or enjoy lives without working,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 majority of them often choose the latter option. The writer completely disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement because of several reasons which will be explained in
this
Linking Words
 essay. It must be acknowledged that spending
time
Use synonyms
 working would benefit individuals, particularly
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the workers. There is no doubt that
people
Use synonyms
 now can easily gain experience and some soft
skills
Use synonyms
 related to their social aspects.
For instance
Linking Words
, throughout
working
Add an article
the working
show examples
 environment,
people
Use synonyms
 have to face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many social problems from customers, who always feel
skeptical
Change the spelling
sceptical
show examples
 about the products of these
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
, so the
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 must have the communication
skills
Use synonyms
 to convince these demanding
people
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if employees did not gain enough
skills
Use synonyms
 or
experienced
Replace the word
experience
show examples
 to deal with these social issues, they would lose money for their businesses. Another reason why
people
Use synonyms
 should work over
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 period of
time
Use synonyms
 is the improvement in
people
Use synonyms
’s physical
health
Use synonyms
. Undoubtedly,
people
Use synonyms
 who always enjoy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life without working, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to the sedentary lifestyles associated with different harmful
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 on
people
Use synonyms
’s
health
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 research, it is proved that non-working
people
Use synonyms
 who stay at home without working are highly get some chronic diseases
such
Linking Words
 as heart problems and obesity, which will significantly decrease the total lifespan in society.
Thus
Linking Words
, individuals who choose to work most of their
time
Use synonyms
 could create a certain schedule
instead
Linking Words
 of staying at home, which would help them prevent many severe impacts. In conclusion, it is obvious that enjoying a life without working will bring many detrimental influences on both mental and physical
health
Use synonyms
, so I argue that individuals would achieve many
skills
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better
health
Use synonyms
 if they tended to spend most
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 working to earn money.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly outlines your position and briefly touches on the reasons you will discuss.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific, relevant examples to support your points. For instance, enrich statistical data or real-life examples.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the usage of transitional phrases to maintain the flow of ideas. This could enhance the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Focus on a more logical sequence within paragraphs to improve cohesive devices. Group related ideas together for better emphasis.
task achievement
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a solid foundation for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure with well-organized paragraphs that make it easy to follow your points.
task achievement
You offer a balanced view by discussing multiple reasons why working is beneficial, which adds depth to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: