IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have make the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages？

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In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 a significant increase in the number of private healthcare
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 in many countries, which may be related to people's desire for longer life span. In my view,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon has more positive effects. One main benefit is that it is beneficial for the improvement of advanced technology for curing a wide range of diseases. In order to succeed in intense competition, it is essential for every individual company to master some unique techniques to treat some difficult
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
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, like
cancers
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cancer
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these enterprises are more likely to invest
in
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apply
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more funds and allocate more human resources
in
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to
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 studying cutting-edge methods, compared with state hospitals.
Furthermore
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, personal corporations may
be
Verb problem
provide
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 more
customer-care
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customer care
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 to attract more patients and make good profits.
This
Linking Words
 means there are better facilities, including lifts and beds, and leading
surgens
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surgeons
 and top physicians, where
citizents'
Correct your spelling
citizens'
 diseases can be treated more efficiently and smoothly.
However
Linking Words
, there may be some drawbacks. To be more specific, the healthcare price here may be considerably higher than in public hospitals.
This
Linking Words
 is liable to cause some residents, especially those living in poverty, to lose the chance to cure their suffering and rescue their own life, which definitely infringes on basic human
right
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rights
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. It is obviously unequal and even leads to the
backwards
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backwardness
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 of civilization.
On the other hand
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, it is solvable. Governments can make some related laws to reduce the cost or subsidies
those
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to those
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 companies, particularly the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 which has succeeded in creating new treatments. In conclusion, the trend has more merits
due to
Linking Words
 the improvements in healthcare
thchnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 and service,
while
Linking Words
 it may give rise to the growth of spending on
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear stance on the topic; however, it could be more engaging to better capture the reader's attention. Try to expand it slightly by providing a brief context or background of the issue.
coherence cohesion
While you have a clear structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using more linking words and phrases could help with this.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant, but they could be strengthened with more specific examples. For instance, mentioning a specific cutting-edge medical technology or a country successfully implementing private healthcare improvements could make your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'masters' instead of 'master', 'surgens' instead of 'surgeons', and 'citizents' instead of 'citizens'. These can distract the reader from your main points.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear argument with points for both the advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare, showing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
You have a logically structured essay with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Your writing demonstrates good control over grammar and vocabulary, making your ideas understandable.
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