IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe they should keep all the money they have earned and should not pay taxes to the state. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #taxes
Major people believe that they ought to keep all their salaries and should not pay
tax
money
 to the
government
. The writer of
this
 essay strongly disagrees with
this
 notion as the
government
 uses
taxes
 to improve
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 facilities and
this
 fund may build some places for
homeless
Correct article usage
the homeless
show examples
 to live in. One of the main reasons why
citizens
 should pay
taxes
 to the
state
 is
this
government
 uses
this
 fund to improve the facilities of their
country
. To explain
further
, the fund of
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 must
be pay
Change the verb form
be paid
show examples
 for various fields like education, transportation or building so
tax
money
 can help the
government
 are
relieved
Wrong verb form
relieve
show examples
 from
burden
Add an article
the burden
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 development.
For example
, in America,
citizens
 have to pay a wide range of
tax
money
 and the American
government
 uses it to improve their
country
,
that is
 why America is one of the most developed countries in the world. Another key aspect as
why
Change preposition
to why
show examples
 paying
taxes
 is necessary is some living areas can
be build
Change the verb form
be built
show examples
 for
homeless
Correct article usage
the homeless
show examples
 by using
this
money
.
In other words
,
within
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the development of technology, many people are unemployees so they do not have
money
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 any places to live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and
then
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 homeless.
For instance
, in Vietnam, the
state
 uses
taxes
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
citizens
 to build many homeless shelters for people who do not have
place
Add an article
a place
show examples
 to live.
Therefore
, the
government
 ought to pay
tax
money
 to build some living areas for the homeless. In conclusion,
citizens
 should not keep all the
money
 they have earned and ought to pay
taxes
 to the
state
 as it can be used to improve their
country
's facilities and
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
building
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
 homeless shelters for the homeless.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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Task Response
Your essay addresses the task and provides a clear stance. However, to reach a higher score, you should delve deeper into the argument and provide more nuanced points. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Task Response
Ensure that each paragraph has one main idea and that this idea is clearly explained and supported with relevant examples. For example, you could provide more detailed statistics or quotes from authorities to strengthen your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve your transition between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of your essay. This will help in making your argument more coherent and easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating more complex sentence structures and varied vocabulary to improve the flow and readability of your essay. This can also help in making your essay more engaging for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've provided a strong conclusion that clearly summarizes your main points and reaffirms your stance.
Task Response
You have used relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which helps in substantiating your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for each main point, making it easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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