Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development?
these days children are facing severe pressure
by
their Change preposition
from
parents
to become successful in life
. In my opinionAdd a comma
,
this
is positive
change, Add an article
a positive
eventhough
there Correct your spelling
even though
is
some drawbacks. In Change the verb form
are
this
essay, i
will explore it.
Nowadays, Change the capitalization
I
Parents
tend to put their scions under a a lot of pressure as they wish successful
future for them. By Correct article usage
a successful
ging
their offsprings to tutors. They are trying to additional courses, educational trying to improve Verb problem
giving
educational
background of Add an article
the educational
child
or to sport,ensuring they will be healthy. And requiring them to be the best Fix the agreement mistake
children
to
Change preposition
apply
at
class, at school, in Change preposition
in
country
, Add an article
the country
even
in the world.
Correct word choice
and even
As a result
, we have child
with Add an article
a child
powerful
background in education and sport, So Add an article
a powerful
she
he or she can easily pass Correct pronoun usage
apply
exam
of Add an article
the exam
an exam
prestigious
university, win Add an article
a prestigious
the prestigious
the
scholarships or Correct article usage
apply
grant
and study there Fix the agreement mistake
grants
for
free of charge. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
after graduating Add a comma
Moreover,
university
Change preposition
from university
The
will Correct pronoun usage
He
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
be
able to find Remove the redundancy
apply
well-paid
job and feed his family, he will not have Add an article
a well-paid
problem
with money as 80 % of Correct article usage
a problem
population
do,he will be financially independent, Add an article
the population
briefly
he Add a comma
briefly,
won
Wrong verb form
will win
the
Correct article usage
a
life
On the other hand
, these change
may have negative Fix the agreement mistake
changes
effect
on child mental health. Fix the agreement mistake
effects
Due to
sheer
amount of pressure, Scion won't have time for him or herself. Correct article usage
the sheer
Which
means they will have no hobbies and Correct pronoun usage
This
happy
childhood which every kid has to have, leading to anxiety, stress, Correct article usage
a happy
depression
.
Correct word choice
and depression
For example
, parents
want their adolescents to become Add an article
a doctor
doctor
because, it well-paid and Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
high
valued job in the world,which will guarantee successful Replace the word
highly
life
, therefore
They force their kids to study medicine, Correct your spelling
even though
eventhough
teenager is interested in football and his dream is to become Correct your spelling
even though
the
best football player in the world but he studies medicine and eventually he ends up doctor, well he will have a lot of money, fortune, But he will not happy and deep inside he will regret
Correct article usage
a the
in Summary
, Correct your spelling
In summary
through
Correct your spelling
though
parents
do all these things for the sake of their scions, they have to ask their children what they want from this
life
and give freedom to act as they want.Submitted by ooorciga1 on
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task achievement
Make sure to proofread your essay to avoid grammatical inaccuracies and typing errors. For example, 'by ging' should be 'by giving' and 'these change may' should be 'this change may'.
task achievement
Work on providing more clear and comprehensive ideas. For instance, you could elaborate more on the specific drawbacks for the child's mental health.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has clear and logical paragraphs. Each point or argument should be in a separate paragraph to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures and cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You have offered a balanced perspective by discussing both the positive and negative sides of parents putting pressure on their children.
task achievement
You have successfully provided relevant specific examples, such as the example of a teenager wanting to be a football player but ending up as a doctor.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The points you mentioned are generally supported with explanations which add value to your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.