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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart and table below give information about toursits at a particular holiday resort in Australia.

The chart and table below give information about toursits at a particular holiday resort in Australia.
#information #toursits #holiday #resort #australia
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The chart and table deliver specific information about tourists from different kinds of places at a tourism
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the chart that the highest proportion of tourists from Europe are at resorts in
Australia
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Asians make up the smallest amount. The table shows that Europeans stay longer than others,
while
Linking Words
 Asians stay less than all categories of visitors. Looking at the details, Europeans make up
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large amount at 37%,
while
Linking Words
 Asian humans accounted for 10% of the figure in terms of visiting
Australia
Use synonyms
 at a certain resort.
Hence
Linking Words
, 35% of the figure is occupied by Americans in terms of relaxing there. Europeans stay in
Australia
Use synonyms
 camping or caravaning for 16 days in order to be busy swimming or sunbathing. When it comes to Asians, those who temporarily live for 7 days in the most popular accommodation in
Australia
Use synonyms
 can enjoy sightseeing during that period.
However
Linking Words
, American visitors can have a rest for 14 days in
Australia
Use synonyms
 in a 4-star hotel in order to inspire sightseeing.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words australia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stay" was used 3 times.
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