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Band 5

Some argue that government should take care of disadvataged people such as unemployed and needy. To what extent do you agree or disagree>?

#argue #government #care #people #disagree>
While
 a group of
people
 say that governments have to help
people
 who are poor and jobless another group
don`t
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn`t
show examples
 agree with that
However
 I strongly agree with
this
 matter. Giving a hand to poor or homeless
people
 by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 is a really good idea. Residents can consider some fee for these locals, including some food or a place, where they can sleep at night or give them some general jobs, which can help them to be more comfortable and the number of these types of society can be less. In
this
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 criminals decrease. Helping these
people
 could improve them to be better or have a job and family and
also
 a warm house. Some of them are looking for
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 opportunity to improve their life or be a normal person when
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 help them and gives them
this
 access they use it totally and change their life. Even though some of them could be able to be really successful
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 point to the Guardian newspaper the percentage of poor
people
 in countries where their
government
 help them and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them a job decreased by almost 10 per cent. In some
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
, there is some special condition. They are enjoying the situation they are in even though they don`t want to change, so for
this
 specific group care and help haven`t got any effect on them and they are not going to move on their own. If they were in
this
 situation, governments have to charge them
instead
 of helping them. In general for
government
 has to be more important in the situation of these parts of society, who need care. Officials must solve
this
 problem because I can`t suggest a professional solution before gets late.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, focus on providing more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and engaging.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on smoother transitions between paragraphs and ensure that each paragraph logically flows to the next. Consider using linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
general
Pay attention to clarity and grammar. While your ideas are clear, small grammatical errors can make your writing less polished. Consider thorough proofreading or using tools to check for common mistakes.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and provides both arguments and counterarguments, which helps in demonstrating a well-rounded perspective.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes your essay well-organized and easy to follow.
task achievement
The idea of government intervention reducing crime and improving lives is a strong point and adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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