Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Children
with high exposure of
Change preposition
to
computer
will get more negative effects than the benefits of Fix the agreement mistake
computers
this
technology. Personally, I do agree with the statement. Children
that
use Correct pronoun usage
who
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
everyday
are more likely to get behind Replace the word
every day
on
their development and I will explain it more in the Change preposition
in
next
following paragraphs.
Many studies found that Correct word choice
apply
children
that
already using Correct pronoun usage
who
computer
from Fix the agreement mistake
computers
early
age are prone to have speech Add an article
an early
delay
. Majorities of Fix the agreement mistake
delays
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
in
Change preposition
on
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
such
as images, videos, and songs are usually not kid-friendly. Most of these contents are
typically move really fast and have Unnecessary verb
apply
this
sort of bright Correct determiner usage
these
colors
in them that are not easy for Change the spelling
colours
children
to digest it. Moreover
, this
will lead to difficulties in maintaining focus for children
and it will be hard for them to understand basic words and conversations. That is
why many teachers and children
psychologist
are not Fix the agreement mistake
psychologists
reccomending
Correct your spelling
recommending
computer's
usage for Change noun form
computer
children
, especially in
Change preposition
at
the
early age.
Correct article usage
an
In addition
, children
that are using computer
regularly will Fix the agreement mistake
computers
also
have problems in their motoric
or physical sense. Using Correct your spelling
motor
computer
is a passive activity and mostly only Add an article
a computer
the computer
require
their eyes and Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
finger
to operate it. Because of Fix the agreement mistake
fingers
this
easiness, children
tend to be more lazy to move and exercise their body
. When Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
this
passivity became
a habit, their bodies Wrong verb form
becomes
became
weak and they will have bad posture Wrong verb form
become
and
can lead to obesity.
In conclusion, Correct word choice
which
Computer's
usage for Change noun form
Computer
children
is completely not reccomended
because it is detrimental Correct your spelling
recommended
for
their mental and physical development, Change preposition
to
such
as low focus, speech delay, and obesity.Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and provides relevant reasons. However, try to include more specific examples to support your points. This will enhance the credibility and depth of your arguments.
task achievement
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, such as 'children that use computer everyday' and 'will get more negative effects.' Try to refine these to improve the overall clarity of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a basic logical structure, but make sure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. You can use linking words or phrases to improve coherence and make the essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main idea, but try to develop your points more fully. This can be done by providing additional explanations or examples.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your viewpoint and outlines what will be discussed in the essay. This provides a good roadmap for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay and reiterates your position. This helps reinforce your argument.
task achievement
You have identified key issues such as speech delay and physical inactivity, which are relevant and important considerations when discussing the impact of computer use on children.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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