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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people feel that school should teach children how to be good parent. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What skills people need to be a good parent?

#people #school #children #parent #skills
Some might say that parenting
education
 is necessary for
students
 to learn in school. Personally, I do agree with
this
 opinion because
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 not all
students
 will become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
, parenting
education
 will give
children
 more insights
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 family issues and help them to become
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good adults. Parenting
education
 is an intersection of many studies
such
 as
psycology
Correct your spelling
psychology
, sociology, and biology, which are useful for
children
. By learning and understanding these studies,
children
 will have more knowledge and empathy on facing family problems.
For instance
, parenting
education
 usually
teach
Change the verb form
teaches
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
students
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to navigate and regulate their emotions. So
instead
 of yelling and
mad
Add a missing verb
being mad
show examples
 when they are faced with adversaries from their families, they will have a better emotional
regualtion
Correct your spelling
regulation
 and
successfuly
Correct your spelling
successfully
 overcome it.
This
 will set a good example for them and their families.
In addition
 to that, parenting
education
 can
also
 help
children
 to break the abusive cycle that happened in their family. Older generations only know
to
Rephrase
how to
show examples
 raise their
children
through
Change preposition
in
show examples
 abusive
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
, so the next generation will follow
this
 step and
created
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
this
 loop of violence. As I mentioned before, parenting
education
 will help these
students
 to understand that there are many ways to solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family problems rather than using violence. so by teaching these
children
 how to be good
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 they will not continue
this
 cycle and will never abuse anyone
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their life.
That is
 why parenting
education
 is so important for society so we can have more adults
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are kind and protect the younger generations. We can conclude that parenting
education
 is beneficial for
children
 because it can help them solve their family problems without violence and break the abusive cycle in order to create
safe
Correct article usage
a safe
show examples
 space for the next generations.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

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Introduction
Your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint, but there are minor grammatical errors such as 'eventhough' which should be 'even though'.
Examples
Some points in your arguments would benefit from more developed examples to clearly illustrate your main ideas. Ensure your examples are specific and relevant.
Grammar/Spelling
Pay attention to minor spelling errors: 'psycology' should be 'psychology' and 'regualtion' should be 'regulation'. Proofreading can help avoid these small mistakes.
Coherence/Cohesion
Your ideas are well-organized and flow logically from one point to the next. However, the essay would benefit from a bit more cohesiveness in connecting ideas between paragraphs.
Structure
Your essay has a clear and well-defined structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing the points, and a conclusion that summarizes your view.
Development
You have provided relevant ideas and addressed the task effectively. Your main points are logically developed.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively sums up your arguments and reiterates your viewpoint on the importance of parenting education.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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