Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Due to
the fast-paced lifestyle, nowadays, there is a great tendency among people
to consume fast food
and manufactured drinks containing sugar, fat, and carbohydrates. That is
why, there are arguments about increasing the cost of these products, especially the ones with high level
of sugar, to persuade Fix the agreement mistake
levels
people
to eat more healthy food
.
On the one hand, processed food
and drink have become more common among individuals, particularly young generations, which leads to crucial health
problems. For instance
, researchers have found that 20 per cent of depression in the
society is caused by consuming sugary products more than Correct article usage
apply
the
usual consumption. Correct article usage
apply
Besides
, due to
the low price
of sweet Fix the agreement mistake
prices
food
and drink which are sold in restuarants
and shops, they have become Correct your spelling
restaurants
people
’s first choice when it comes to eat
. Change the verb form
eating
Therefore
, as an efficient way to decrease the usage of sugary meals, companies have to produce and launch these products more expensive.
On the other hand
, as long as people
do not understand about
the disadvantages of consuming sweet meals more than usual, Change preposition
apply
rising
these products’ prices will not bring any benefits. In Correct your spelling
raising
this
case, emphasising on
the importance of educating citizens to become aware of the effects of these foods on their Change preposition
apply
health
and how to maintain their physical and mental health
, will be more effective.
In conclusion, in my opinion, although
increasing the amount of money which people
have to pay to eat manufactured food
and drink can have some advantages, it will not influence iindividuals
until they become knowledgeable about the impacts of sugary meals on their Correct your spelling
individuals
health
.Submitted by layakhosroabadi on
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task response
Your essay addresses the task, but you could enhance it by providing a clearer stance. While you mention the pros and cons, clearly stating whether you agree or disagree would make your position more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your arguments. The essay would benefit from using more transitional phrases to ensure smooth progression between ideas.
task response
You have provided some supporting points, but adding more specific examples or evidence could strengthen your arguments. This would make your main points more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, which gives your essay a clear structure.
task response
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant points for discussion.
task response
Your language is clear, and the ideas you present are comprehensible.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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