IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Students in university education should develop specialists in one subject area rather than create a broader range of subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the present day, there is no doubt that
students
Use synonyms
 have a wide range of options for studying after secondary school. Even universities believe that these options will help
students
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 in the future. I support the idea that educational institutions should let
students
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 select one course
instead
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 of making them learn all the
subjects
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. 
Firstly
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, learning only one course throughout college will make them master it.
For example
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, some
students
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 have an interest in coding.
Due to
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 that, they would like to admit themselves to a programming course. So now, if they only practice and learn about coding languages, it will help them get high-paying jobs after graduation.
On the other hand
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, if educational academies add
subjects
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 like math, physics, or chemistry to their syllabus, which they are not fond of, it will make them lose good scores in their results. Because of that, it will not be helpful for pupils to learn multiple courses. 
Secondly
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, some career paths need undivided attention for years.
For instance
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, when
students
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 are enrolled in powerful
subjects
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such
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 as law, psychology, medical
subjects
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, etc. It will be a waste of time if they have to take part in courses like art or literature. Because it will not help them in their after-graduation jobs. Adding many
subjects
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 will distract learners from their main goal. 
To conclude
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, focusing on a single subject will give pupils
on-hand
Correct word choice
hands-on
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, long-term experience;
moreover
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, many
subjects
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 will not distract them from their main goal.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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 the idea of adding a bunch of courses to the syllabus cannot be supported. After
thorough
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a thorough
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 analysis
on
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of
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this
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 subject, it is predicted that learners should focus on their true passion so that they can make a better future for themselves.

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task achievement
Your essay does not fully address both sides of the argument. While you clearly support the idea of specialization, briefly mentioning the counterargument would make your response more balanced.
coherence cohesion
Some paragraphs could be more organized. For instance, combining the arguments about distractions and the need for undivided attention into one cohesive paragraph would make your reasoning clearer.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant but could be more specific. For example, instead of just saying students interested in coding, you could mention how a focused curriculum helped specific individuals or provide more detailed scenarios.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position. The reader understands your argument from the beginning.
task achievement
You provide logical arguments that directly support your main point, enhancing task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and provides a final opinion, which gives your essay a strong ending.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Expertise
  • Authorities
  • Specialization
  • Niches
  • Interdisciplinary
  • Innovation
  • Adaptability
  • Generalists
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving
  • Career shifts
  • Academic isolation
  • Employability
  • Collaborative skills
  • Networking
  • Educational systems
  • Rapidly changing job market
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