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Band 4

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

#countries #home #people #be #case #situation
In the beginning, without a doubt
that
Correct word choice
apply
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all
of
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apply
show examples
people
 are dreaming to have their
won
Correct your spelling
own
show examples
home
instead
 of renting for many reasons
such
 as psychological and
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 aspects which is not an easy thing to achieve
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 everyone.
However
, the statement was always an area of debate and now has become more controversial. My opinion will be discussed in
further
 paragraphs with a suitable conclusion. First of all, having own
home
 has to be considered as one of the most crucial
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of any individual's life goals.
However
, analyzing and
further
 explaining
of
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apply
show examples
the statement,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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depends on many aspects
such
 as
people
's mindsets,
for instance
, not all
of
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apply
show examples
people
 have the same way of thinking or personality to realize how much it is significantly important at some point
of
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in
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 age.
In addition
, it depends on
individual
Add an article
the individual
show examples
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 state, the nature of their work, and how much they make
money
,
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 it requires a huge amount of
money
 that might be saved over a period of time
of
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apply
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which not everyone could have the ability to
provied
Correct your spelling
provide
 it.
Furthermore
, Another striking point to mention
that is
 having a private
home
 has a lot of positives, to cite an example, it provides
an feelings
Correct the article-noun agreement
a feeling
feelings
show examples
 of
idependency
Correct your spelling
independence
dependency
independency
, a state of self
stabalizing
Correct your spelling
stabilising
, and
convenice
Correct your spelling
convenience
.
Also
, it
controbutes
Correct your spelling
contributes
 to save
money
 in the future. In conclusion, I believe that the aforementioned points
are strongly support
Change the verb form
strongly support
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 my point of view.
owing
Verb problem
Owning
show examples
 a
home
 rather than renting has many advantages
such
 as giving positive feelings of
independency
Replace the word
independence
show examples
 and a state of
self stabilizing
Add a hyphen
self-stabilizing
show examples
.
Also
, saving
money
 in the future.
However
, it will depend upon
people
's mindsets and which of view they are in favour of.
Submitted by rm0.almohsen on

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task achievement
You are doing well in providing a structured introduction and conclusion. Make sure your arguments are relevant and stay on topic throughout the essay. Try to articulate clearly why owning a home might be so important to people, by giving more concrete reasons or examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your paragraphs by using more cohesive devices, such as connectors and transitional phrases. Some parts feel disconnected or jump between ideas. Adding more structure will help make your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a stronger logical structure that builds progressively. Spend more time on each of your points to elaborate with clear examples and reasons. This will help make your essay more persuasive and well-rounded.
organization
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your arguments effectively.
content
You touch on significant reasons why people might prefer owning a home, such as psychological and economic aspects.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
What to do next:
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